Wow this sure does hit the nail on the head. I used this saying once before. It bears repeating. I think many people have at last one person in their lives who thinks they know who you are and couldn’t be more wrong and they aren’t interested in finding out the truth. Their truth allows them to continue to be negative. I think some people are so unhappy it causes them satisfaction to put others down. I’ve decided it’s best to put them out of my life, even if they are family.
I came across this saying this evening and thought, “I could not have said this in a more perfect way.” I’m going through a situation in my life right now where some people in my life are being very negative, which is not the way I choose to think or the way I behave, and definitely not the way I treat people. But instead of addressing the situation and talking about it, it is easier to blame the other person for causing them to feel they needed to be maligned.
If someone behaves in a way that causes hurt, even if it wasn’t intended it is one thing. If they meant to cause hurt, that is worse. But, assuming it wasn’t intended and you let them know what they did was hurtful, and the other party attacks instead of saying “I’m sorry” because the feel no remorse that you were hurt – I don’t understand how someone can do that.
Wouldn’t you feel bad if you hurt someone because you didn’t think about the effect of your words or actions? I think most people would. What kind of person is it that wouldn’t care? Should you keep trying or chalk up you’re losses? It takes two people to have a relationship. What if it was your family? What would you do? Seriously, I am asking that question. Has anyone else ever had someone like that in their life? Can anyone explain that kind of behavior to me? Should I have never said anything and pretended it was all okay? I did that for months and said nothing and realized I am not the kind of person who stuffs things I don’t want to address. Was I supposed to sweep it under the rug and “get over it?” How do people learn if no one helps them understand common decency? Would the behavior be repeated to other people? I think it is best to be up front and maybe there is something to be learned.
If I do something wrong and it has unintended consequences and I see I was out of line, I don’t make them feel it is their fault. How would you react to that?
It doesn’t matter if this person values me or not. It doesn’t change who I am or what I think of myself.
I know what I give of myself and I like myself very much. I have learned a lot from the experiences in my life, and some of those experiences were pretty stupid. But there is a positive inside every negative and I choose to look for the positive and not wallow in negativity. If I didn’t live through the stupid mistakes and learned from them I would be dead.
ALL of this comes about because of the inability to communicate. Was it worth destroying family relationships? Was the inability to say, “I’m sorry. I was wrong.” so hard the only thing you thought you were able to do was try to malign me – try to make me the bad guy to justify why they couldn’t open their mouth and speak those words? What goes around comes around. You reap what you sow. The law of cause and effect. Life has a way of paying you back when you do things like this.
I’ve tried. I have no desire to do this anymore. Any advice?