Dance With The Devil, Dance

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DANCE WITH THE DEVIL
Lurking in back of my eyes
Tasting the smells, seeing the ghosts
No matter how often I tried
Which memories shame me the most
It reminds me of where I’ve been
And how many miles I’ve gone
I tied it up in a garbage bag
And kept on walking alone

Too late, it caught up beside me
And said “Hi, where have you been?” 
It’s time to pay the price dear
You can’t run away from sin
You made a cause, the effect is now
There’s no choice, you can’t get away
You chose to play, it’s time to pay
It’s your end game, take a bow

It’s the game of games, winner takes all
You can’t run away, you’ll stumble and fall
If you lose there is no second chance
Dance with devil, dance dance

There is no way to get around it
Finish the hand life dealt
No matter the depth of pain it caused
No matter the fear you felt
It’s time for you to pay the price
There’s no choice, you can’t change the rules
You’re rolling the dice for your life
You can’t play me like I’m the fool

Years have passed, would you do it again
Knowing who you’ve become
Knowing how the game ends
When you thought you were having fun
Was it worth the price you had to pay
Would you do it different today
Looking in the mirror
Seeing scars that never fade

It’s the game of games, winner takes all
You can’t run away, you’ll stumble and fall
If you lose there is no second chance
Dance with the devil, dance dance
Dance with the devil, dance dance

Sonni Quick © 2019

(This is lyrics for new music)

The End Game – Poetry

hep c viris
photo source: hepfi.org

The End Game

Lurking in back of my eyes
Tasting the smells, seeing the ghosts
No matter how often I’ve tried
It reminds me where I’ve been
And how many miles I’ve gone
I tied it up in a garbage bag
And kept on walking alone

Too late, it caught up beside me
And said hi, where have you been?
It’s time to pay the price dear
You can’t run away from sin
You made a cause, the effect is now
There’s no choice, you can’t get away
You chose to play, it’s time to pay
It’s your end game, take a bow

 

by Sonni Quick ©2018

Post liver transplant /cancer survivor/2012

Also follow:  My Name is Jamie. Life in Prison

Is It Rain Or Tears-Music Video & Poetry

This is the latest music video for the book “Inside The Forbidden Outside,” along with poetry written for it. When it is published in both paperback and Ebook, I want the videos to open in each chapter and give emotion to each chapter. I’m not to sure how to do that or if it is even feasible but it’s worth a shot to find out. My brain works mysterious ways, lol, finding ways to make this more complicated as I write.  I see it in my head. It makes this whole project of writing and music more fun to do. Below are the words found in the video.

IS IT RAIN OR TEARS

Is it rain or is it tears
I felt it on my face
It seldom ceases through the years
Will time be able to erase
the scars created by the pain
I bow my head, the water flows
and cleanses all, a healing rain
The sense of calm a tear bestows

Is it rain or is it tears
I felt them one by one
the wetness soothing untold fears
my dying thirst will be undone
I close my eyes, reach out my hands
scrape my knuckles on the wall
blood mixes with the tears that land
to soothe the pain and heal it all

Is it rain or is it tears
Is it salty when you taste
wetness on your outstretched tongue
slowly falling from your face
The crying tears, the falling rain
mixes on your skin
Cools the heat and soothes the pain
and lets the hope again begin

                                   ©2018  Sonni Quick

 

im crying, sonni quick. karma, liver transplant
photo source: crazy4images.com

 

Twitter  @sonni-quick

Facebook  Jamie Life in Prison    

SonniQuick   Main music website – music and videos. 2nd mailing list for music updates

Watch and Whirl – my other blog – diverse in subject matter

SoundCloud – stream my music. 51 recordings promising to produce great dreams all night while you sleep.

YouTube  my channel is:  Sonni Quick Piano Improve

 

Ghosts in My Head

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This is new music and poetry for a chapter in the book I’m writing. “Inside The Forbidden Outside,” which has gone through many changes since I began writing. Because it has been so labor intensive I have to believe there is a reason. I have to hope it will help Jamie when be gets out. He has read chapters, but he has heard no music being in prison. There will be so much to hear and read, especially on my other blog, My Name Is Jamie. There will be a video made for this music, too. All chapters will have music – about 50% is recorded, a music video ( 4th one being done) found at Sonni Quick Piano Improv – You Tube channel 

This music is a piece I really enjoyed playing. If I “try” to compose it usually ends up missing something. It doesn’t work. If it hits me in the middle of the night or I have to stop what I’m doing to go play my piano, it comes out and I don’t know where it comes from. Playing these pieces of music, and I can play them only once, feels so good. After that they are gone. I can only listen to the recording of it. The same with any poetry I write and I’m sure other poets understand – I read it for the first time when I’m done. 

In the book, which is written from letters, is Jamie’s story, but there is a place when it changes from the written words in the letters to me being real. I don’t want to say anymore about the story, but it is where this title comes from.

You can subscribe to the mailing list for my music stuff by going to  sonniquick.net

 

Where did you come from?” I cried
You raised your finger to your lips
and whispered, “No one can hear me
No one but you can see me
I’m a ghost in your head
To keep you company

I know the days are much too long
Use memories your mind creates
For days you don’t feel very strong
Endless time, will it ever end?
Around in circles never straight
Time goes slowly, round the bend

Years are passing, you see your age
Watch the moon all night long
I see your head lay in your hands
Wondering how it went so wrong
You always seem to lose so much
You tell yourself, I don’t understand

You need to reach your hand and touch
Feel the warmth of who is there
It makes you human, a worthy man
Even though no one’s left and no one cared
“But you,” you say “Here you stand”
“I could touch you,” and reach out your hand

How do I know you won’t disappear?
You kept me going, when I lost my way
I felt only anger, in my head there was fear
I couldn’t think there’d be hope someday
I wanted to tear these walls apart
I wanted to scream but no one would hear

You kept me sane. You fed me words
There is a reason for all of this
“Be patient,” you said, then I heard
“Imagine a life only you can see
There are ghosts in your head
You can learn to be free”

 

Sonni Quick ©2018

Picking up Broken Pieces – Poetry

Broken glass

Picking up Broken Pieces

Pieces falling one by one
Scattered at my feet
I bend and try to pick them up
but I couldn’t reach beneath
the bottom of the lowest stair
where broken dreams did sleep

I see flashes of my deepest dreams
Too late to make them true
Time has passed I can’t go back
I don’t know what to do
Pieces crumble into dust
when connecting even two

They cut my fingers if I try
Blood seeps between my fingers
When I try to hold my broken dreams
the scent of memories linger
The pain, the loss of years gone by
The echo of no answer.

 

This poem is on the newest music video I’m making. It should be ready in a couple days – hopefully. The rewriting of my book “Inside The Forbidden Outside”  has taken quite awhile since I began writing.  Because I write piano music I began recording a soundtrack for each chapter. A month ago I started making videos and adding poetry, so it is a four part project. What began as a book on Jamie Cummings life in prison has become much more. Time intensive it certainly is.

I decided to publish the poetry so you can read it at one time. In the video you’ll see it one line at a time throughout the video. The poetry has the same title as the music, which is also the title of a chapter in the book, which is in the 2nd draft stage.

I have posted a few chapters I have written but I haven’t posted this one. You will find them on many other blog. If you do a search on the title of the book it will even pull up the first draft chapters.

The title of this poem correlates to the time during Jamie’s prison term when he finally has to mentally deal with, and accept, loss. In the beginning he had an unrealistic hope that if he was good he could get out soon. The 17 year sentence hadn’t really sunk in. I think that is most likely common thing with most people if it is their first time in prison. How did anyone deal with the ride to prison, go through the red tape – alone – and face a prison for the first time with men you had to present the right face to. Taking care of yourself now had a new meaning,

Losing a woman he loved, losing the role of being a father, quickly losing the support of his family, who no longer came to see him enough to pretend it counted. Three to five years between visits – maybe. He lost any type of meaningful communication with anyone in his family, and he never had any friends who mattered.  No one answered his letters. On rare occasions his grandmother wrote and told him some things that happened, long after they happened, but they weren’t the type of letters where he could write back and forth about what he was going through.

He came to the point of realizing he had to accept it and let it go. He knew that to keep waiting for someone to write, and making excuses for them in his head, had to stop. He didn’t want to think about why they were too busy to answer even one of his letters.  He had to make it okay or it ripped him apart. He didn’t want to think he didn’t matter. It was painful and he was lonely, but he had to get it right in his head.

People in the free world could never imagine life in a small cell completely a-l-o-n-e without anyone who gave a damn. Many of the men he met inside had no one who cared. And no one who helped get the small necessities that made their existence tolerable.

I got angry. I was angry at his mother for saying she didn’t write to Jamie because it hurt HER too much. 12 years, and it hurt HER. Damn, it makes me angry when I write these words. She said them to me and she also said them to Jamie during one of her rare visits. He lost everything and everyone and it hurt to think he was never a priority in his family’s lives. So he had to put it away. He couldn’t change it. It was these feelings of loss he couldn’t change that prompted this poem, “Picking up Broken Pieces”. The music is sad and melancholy. For me it tells the story. You can hear it here.

When I started writing to Jamie in 2007 how could I stop? How could I justify abandoning him, too. It was a commitment. I looked forward too his letters. We’ve sent over 800 by now. It is a diary of his life. It needed too become a book.

He is the father of one of my grandsons. That made him family. Okay, my daughter moved on. She wanted to leave him behind. She had to. 17 years when you are only in your mid twenties is too much separation – unless you had no choice, like Jamie. She later resented me for writing to him. She was trying to forget him and I wouldn’t let her. I’m sorry if it was painful for her, but I want going to stop writing fot that reason.  If he wasn’t able to have anyone in his life then there was no way I would abandon him, too. He needed me. Our letters were deep and thought provoking, making him think beyond what had happened and realize why it happened. If you spend a lot of time in a solitary cell and don’t have the right things to think about, you go nuts. Many do. It was important to me to teach him ideas about life and how to change direction. Him being okay and being through this was important to me. Out of 17 years has had only 5 to go. Only 5. A long time still, but time is passing.

Several years ago I started his blog: My Name is Jamie.  Many off the posts are portions off his letters. Then came the idea of writing his story. I did a tremendous amount of research and reading to understand our prison system. I also started the monthly  newsletter – ITFO News. (I’d publish more often but I don’t have the time unless I can get some – free – help from someone who believes I what I do.

This second blog, Watch and Whirl and trying to keep up with social media is all day ( night) project. In my off hours I write and record music.

This is what Jamie has done for me. He gave me a life – a profession that is much enhanced from what it was. We have been there for each other. There is much more to the story. If you haven’t yet, go to the other blog and start with the white pages at the top,

Enjoy, Learn and Understand. Become a penpal with an inmate who would cherish your letters about a life he can’t live behind walls. Most inmates are not what the media portrays.

Sonni

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ITFO News

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If you know an inmate who writes poetry or is an artist or has a story you’d like to tell you can email me at: itfonews@gmail.com

My personal music website  – sonniquick.net

Jamie Life in Prison at Facebook . . .Blog posts and news about injustice in the world

My Name is Jamie. Life in Prison – blog on Jamie’s life and other articles on our prison. Educate yourself to reality, not what mainstream media tells you.

Waiting . . . too long – The Poem

book writing

WAITING . . . TOO LONG

Waiting . . . too long
Days that never seem to end
Hours that pass, am I that strong
I watch them curve around the bend
Many weeks, months and years
I watch the sky beyond the bars
Eyes slowly close to keep the tears
From falling down my face like stars
That light my life and keep me sane
While days that never seem to end
And wonder why I live at all
The only life I can pretend
Knees on the ground so I can crawl
Through these years that no one sees
Or cares to sooth this broken heart
I beg no more, I can’t say please
One more time or hope will start
I can’t beg to wait again
As minutes tick and days go by
Days that never seem to end
Beyond the bars I watch the sky.

By Sonni Quick copyright 2018

This is the poem that goes with the chapter in my book, “Inside The Forbidden Outside”, with the same name. I recently posted that chapter as I continue to work on the book. A little father down the posts is also the music video made for this chapter. The other chapters also have piano music recorded and videos in the making. It’s the major reason why it has taken so long as I attempt to keep up my blogs and newsletter and the infernal social media. It takes tremendous time. So with patience I continue to work out the intricate puzzle pieces as I try to write a book work reading. In my imagination I see it as a movie worth making. Because Jamie’s life is width saving since no one in his life gives a damn but me.

No One Gets Out of Life Alive

we are human

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Life Interrupted

 Copyright Sonni Qui2015

NO ONE GETS OUT OF LIFE ALIVE

No one gets out of life alive
This was a year of loss and saying goodbye
Was no one dying when I was young?
or was death far away and I wasn’t among
the people whose lives were nearing the end
Did they manage to do what they did intend?
Or did they say they didn’t have the time
I’ll do it tomorrow or next year sometime
Every day we hear that so and so died
we stop, take deep breath and let out a sigh
you know he had problems, his heart wasn’t strong
I didn’t think he would live for very long
Our habits, not caring, hasten our death
you gotta go somehow, as we take our last breath
She was such a good person, it’s a shame she’s gone
But now she can be with her dear husband John
People need to believe in a heaven above
a place where our loved ones continue to love.
She died much too young, she should have had years
We now just have memories and sadness and tears
We want to believe we’ll see them someday
It helps us cope if we think there’s a way
Many believe after death there is more
Drawing our last breath opens a door
Each in our own way finds a way
to make sense of our life as we fade away
Because no one gets out of life alive
Every year has it’s loss and saying goodbye
Soon it will be you, what will they say?
What do you want remembered this day?
I lived my life honestly and helped all I could
I grabbed every dream, lived as good as I should
I have no regrets, I learned from mistakes
I lived my life fully, but in places it aches
Someday I’ll be the one that others will miss
I hope not with sadness, but with happiness