Who is Taking Care Of My Broken Heart? Music video

 

This is my newest music video. I hope you enjoy it. This music piece has quickly become one of my fastest rising improvisations currently playing on 3 streaming sites, as well as a variety of other social media sites. When someone likes my music it is the best feeling for me.

My recordings are all home recordings. It’s been awhile since I made a recording in a music studio  and since I am not an engineer, and my knowledge of sound mixing is nonexistent, there are at times obvious mistakes I’m not sure how to fix.

This recording of, Who is Taking Care of My Broken Heart, mentions Jamie’s son, the man who is the main character in my book, Inside The Forbidden Outside.

Jamie has not been able to have any kind of face to face relationship with his son while he has been incarcerated because no one but myself has taken him to see his father. I live far away and can’t easily get to Texas. No one else has done much of anything to help and support him. You find it who really loves you and who only say the words

That is why his heart is broken

This is my main website – Sonni Quick 

You can also stream my music at Reverbnation

And SoundCloud

 

Is It Rain Or Tears-Music Video & Poetry

This is the latest music video for the book “Inside The Forbidden Outside,” along with poetry written for it. When it is published in both paperback and Ebook, I want the videos to open in each chapter and give emotion to each chapter. I’m not to sure how to do that or if it is even feasible but it’s worth a shot to find out. My brain works mysterious ways, lol, finding ways to make this more complicated as I write.  I see it in my head. It makes this whole project of writing and music more fun to do. Below are the words found in the video.

IS IT RAIN OR TEARS

Is it rain or is it tears
I felt it on my face
It seldom ceases through the years
Will time be able to erase
the scars created by the pain
I bow my head, the water flows
and cleanses all, a healing rain
The sense of calm a tear bestows

Is it rain or is it tears
I felt them one by one
the wetness soothing untold fears
my dying thirst will be undone
I close my eyes, reach out my hands
scrape my knuckles on the wall
blood mixes with the tears that land
to soothe the pain and heal it all

Is it rain or is it tears
Is it salty when you taste
wetness on your outstretched tongue
slowly falling from your face
The crying tears, the falling rain
mixes on your skin
Cools the heat and soothes the pain
and lets the hope again begin

                                   ©2018  Sonni Quick

 

im crying, sonni quick. karma, liver transplant
photo source: crazy4images.com

 

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SonniQuick   Main music website – music and videos. 2nd mailing list for music updates

Watch and Whirl – my other blog – diverse in subject matter

SoundCloud – stream my music. 51 recordings promising to produce great dreams all night while you sleep.

YouTube  my channel is:  Sonni Quick Piano Improve

 

Remembering My Life – YouTube Music Video

REMEMBERING MY LIFE

Remember your life
When nothing could defeat you?
Nothing came between your dreams
to make you think you won’t succeed.
All the world is yours
if you believe with all your heart
All your hope of things to come
will push away the doubt of some
who want to see
if you will fall
from up above the sky so high.
Spread your wings and ride … the wind
Soar through the air like life depends
on every dream you ever had
You can’t lose
the power of your dreams
to anyone who can’t believe in you
If you cry
from deep within
Never let the fear begin
to hold you down
it’s strength you need
to make every dream be real
Don’t let it in and keep you down
Become the man you found
Through all the years
you only had yourself to hear you
Now the time
has come to show… the world
that you are more than anyone
took the time to know

 

Latest music video uploaded to YouTube to go with a chapter for my  book “Inside The Forbidden Outside” about the life of Jamie Cummings currently in Allred Prison in Iowa Park, Texas.

What started out as only a book, now in the second draft, became a book with music, a soundtrack with music for each chapter with the same title.  Since all of my music is improvised, that is a pretty big project to work on.

The music business is different than when I was a working musician back in the 70’s and 80’s.  There was no internet! We could not share our music with anyone except at a live gig. Most musicians barely had enough money to record a so-so demo at a recording studio and have 2″ tape reels run off into 1/4″ tapes and then run off on cassette tapes. We didn’t give them out to people.  If they were good enough we sold them at gigs. We also sent them to record producers and had no way of knowing if they went straight into the trash. If we had a gig somewhere that let us play original music we staples notices on electric poles near the club announcing we’d be playing. Sometimes we had a booking agent who booked bands into clubs that wanted top 40 music.

Everything is so different now. People hear my music more now through the internet than I’m sure heard me at gigs. Playing live is fun, but it is a lot of work unless you have someone carting your equipment around for you. I used to have that, but it was a different era. I don’t have near the energy or muscle tone to do that anymore.  Although I’d love to play live again, and I’m sure I will when this is done, in the meantime I have to conform to what people need to hear and see.

That means music videos. At first I thought, “how?” I’m not playing live, until I found software programs that help you make videos. Now this was fun! But still it takes quite a bit of time, and I’m still learning and getting ready to try a new software program.

There are quite a number of places to submit your music profile – radio programs, magazines and much more. When they pull up your profile they want to see videos and every self respecting musician has at least one. The more the better.  Having a YouTube channel with subscribers can make or break their interest in you.

Last Note 2 sm

So now I am making videos for my chapters for the book. I can only do one thing at a time. Everything progresses, but at 1/3 the speed. If you like what I’m doing, the best thing you can do for me is to click on the YouTube icon on the video and go there and like, comment or subscribe. You can’t like a video if you don’t actually go to YouTube, but it will record a play. I need stats until it gets far enough along to multiply on it’s own. The channel is only 2 1/2 months old, with a new video made about every 2 weeks. When I have 20 videos and they are being promoted, especially when the book is published, then I can use other media outlets for promotion.  Right now I need you guys – unless you really don’t like it.

It is very important to me that this effort be successful.  Another life depends on it – and someday in this latter part of my life I’ll just get too old.  Until then, I’ll pretend I’m 36 instead of 63.

My main website that has music and videos in one place is simply Sonni Quick

You can sign up on my mailing list for when I put out the next new music or videos, (which I promise not to abuse!)

Thanks so much.

Picking up Broken Pieces – Poetry

Broken glass

Picking up Broken Pieces

Pieces falling one by one
Scattered at my feet
I bend and try to pick them up
but I couldn’t reach beneath
the bottom of the lowest stair
where broken dreams did sleep

I see flashes of my deepest dreams
Too late to make them true
Time has passed I can’t go back
I don’t know what to do
Pieces crumble into dust
when connecting even two

They cut my fingers if I try
Blood seeps between my fingers
When I try to hold my broken dreams
the scent of memories linger
The pain, the loss of years gone by
The echo of no answer.

 

This poem is on the newest music video I’m making. It should be ready in a couple days – hopefully. The rewriting of my book “Inside The Forbidden Outside”  has taken quite awhile since I began writing.  Because I write piano music I began recording a soundtrack for each chapter. A month ago I started making videos and adding poetry, so it is a four part project. What began as a book on Jamie Cummings life in prison has become much more. Time intensive it certainly is.

I decided to publish the poetry so you can read it at one time. In the video you’ll see it one line at a time throughout the video. The poetry has the same title as the music, which is also the title of a chapter in the book, which is in the 2nd draft stage.

I have posted a few chapters I have written but I haven’t posted this one. You will find them on many other blog. If you do a search on the title of the book it will even pull up the first draft chapters.

The title of this poem correlates to the time during Jamie’s prison term when he finally has to mentally deal with, and accept, loss. In the beginning he had an unrealistic hope that if he was good he could get out soon. The 17 year sentence hadn’t really sunk in. I think that is most likely common thing with most people if it is their first time in prison. How did anyone deal with the ride to prison, go through the red tape – alone – and face a prison for the first time with men you had to present the right face to. Taking care of yourself now had a new meaning,

Losing a woman he loved, losing the role of being a father, quickly losing the support of his family, who no longer came to see him enough to pretend it counted. Three to five years between visits – maybe. He lost any type of meaningful communication with anyone in his family, and he never had any friends who mattered.  No one answered his letters. On rare occasions his grandmother wrote and told him some things that happened, long after they happened, but they weren’t the type of letters where he could write back and forth about what he was going through.

He came to the point of realizing he had to accept it and let it go. He knew that to keep waiting for someone to write, and making excuses for them in his head, had to stop. He didn’t want to think about why they were too busy to answer even one of his letters.  He had to make it okay or it ripped him apart. He didn’t want to think he didn’t matter. It was painful and he was lonely, but he had to get it right in his head.

People in the free world could never imagine life in a small cell completely a-l-o-n-e without anyone who gave a damn. Many of the men he met inside had no one who cared. And no one who helped get the small necessities that made their existence tolerable.

I got angry. I was angry at his mother for saying she didn’t write to Jamie because it hurt HER too much. 12 years, and it hurt HER. Damn, it makes me angry when I write these words. She said them to me and she also said them to Jamie during one of her rare visits. He lost everything and everyone and it hurt to think he was never a priority in his family’s lives. So he had to put it away. He couldn’t change it. It was these feelings of loss he couldn’t change that prompted this poem, “Picking up Broken Pieces”. The music is sad and melancholy. For me it tells the story. You can hear it here.

When I started writing to Jamie in 2007 how could I stop? How could I justify abandoning him, too. It was a commitment. I looked forward too his letters. We’ve sent over 800 by now. It is a diary of his life. It needed too become a book.

He is the father of one of my grandsons. That made him family. Okay, my daughter moved on. She wanted to leave him behind. She had to. 17 years when you are only in your mid twenties is too much separation – unless you had no choice, like Jamie. She later resented me for writing to him. She was trying to forget him and I wouldn’t let her. I’m sorry if it was painful for her, but I want going to stop writing fot that reason.  If he wasn’t able to have anyone in his life then there was no way I would abandon him, too. He needed me. Our letters were deep and thought provoking, making him think beyond what had happened and realize why it happened. If you spend a lot of time in a solitary cell and don’t have the right things to think about, you go nuts. Many do. It was important to me to teach him ideas about life and how to change direction. Him being okay and being through this was important to me. Out of 17 years has had only 5 to go. Only 5. A long time still, but time is passing.

Several years ago I started his blog: My Name is Jamie.  Many off the posts are portions off his letters. Then came the idea of writing his story. I did a tremendous amount of research and reading to understand our prison system. I also started the monthly  newsletter – ITFO News. (I’d publish more often but I don’t have the time unless I can get some – free – help from someone who believes I what I do.

This second blog, Watch and Whirl and trying to keep up with social media is all day ( night) project. In my off hours I write and record music.

This is what Jamie has done for me. He gave me a life – a profession that is much enhanced from what it was. We have been there for each other. There is much more to the story. If you haven’t yet, go to the other blog and start with the white pages at the top,

Enjoy, Learn and Understand. Become a penpal with an inmate who would cherish your letters about a life he can’t live behind walls. Most inmates are not what the media portrays.

Sonni

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ITFO News

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If you know an inmate who writes poetry or is an artist or has a story you’d like to tell you can email me at: itfonews@gmail.com

My personal music website  – sonniquick.net

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My Name is Jamie. Life in Prison – blog on Jamie’s life and other articles on our prison. Educate yourself to reality, not what mainstream media tells you.

Waiting . . .Too Long – YouTube Video

 

Waiting . . .Too Long, a title of a chapter in the book I am writing on the life of Jamie Cummings who is currently housed in Allred Unit. Prisons are often called units. He is finishing twelve years with five to go. In this video I try to convey the feeling of time as it goes through pictures of him and prison, myself and music, with slow motion clips of journeying through time between incarceration and re-entry back into society in 2023, unless he gets paroled early which no one knows.

I’ve been enormously busy these days with usually three projects open at one time as one project leads to another.  It’s a small wonder that I remember to pay my light bill before it is cut off.  At least I’d have three hours of battery back up on my lap top if I did that!

Seriously, as I work on my writing – I also need to work on my music at the same time. Since all my music is improv – instrumental music – I have to play my piano when something inside me tells me to. One night last week I got out of bed because I felt I needed to play music. When the feeling is strong I also record. I will put that music in another post. When I try too hard to improvise, the music is good -okay – but it is missing something – the story – the emotion. The next day I played it over and over from beginning to end to see if I could hear the story. You might hear a different one.  You might not even play it all the way through. But I know it is one of my best pieces.  It is called, “Looking Into The Crystal Ball”.  You can find it at sonniquick.net.

VID_20171125_160434420~2

If I only needed to finish the rewrite of my book, “Inside The Forbidden Outside” I’d be done and working on the sequel. I do have the book cover done and will post that soon. But since I have written a lot of music and inserted it into blog posts, here on this blog and on My Name Is Jamie I have wondered how to promote it with the book.  I’m working on a second album with just the music for the book. Since some of the music has the same titles as the chapters I decided to record more music for every chapter. It takes time.

A musician these days needs to have videos, preferably on YouTube. Since right now I am only writing and recording I wondered how to do a quality video if I’m not performing live. ( I want to gig again, but my keyboard case will not fit in my car, even if one end stuck out an open window.) If I had to rent a larger vehicle or used Uber I’d probably end up playing for free. I’d probably do that just to play. So I have to think about that some more.

I found a company that helped produce the above video at a very reasonable cost. My intention is to add at least one or two videos a month of just the music for the book. Starting a You Tube channel takes time. Getting subscribers – and most of all – having subscribers who like your music enough to share it is important. So far I’ve had 60 views, 11 likes and 1 dislike (somebody always has to do that) and 6 subscribers! I think that is pretty good for my first week! So I better do another video soon.

When I started my two facebook pages – jamielifeinprison and sonniquickspiano – it took work to get it out there and a lot of time to maintain it.  Both continue to grow. Having the support of followers from my blogs – well it all works together.

I am also getting ready to publish the next issue of ITFO NEWS which has a different focus of prison issues and also info about my music and other writing. Last week I was asked to write for another publication that deals with prison issues on a worldwide basis. I’ll be writing more about that in ITFO NEWS.

Hopefully, the followers of these different avenues will be interested in buying the book when it is done. When you write a book and don’t start promoting it until it is done, you will run out of family and close friends very fast. And if you aren’t passionate about what you do, chances are you will never complete it. Here it is, 4:00 in the morning and I am still behind my computer.

You can subscribe to ITFO NEWS and read back issues. It took awhile to teach myself. I publish about every 5 weeks. I won’t inundate your inbox with multiple daily emails. I don’t send spammy crap. I like to connect with people.

So until next time – sleep well and have a great holiday season!

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If you know an inmate who writes poetry or is an artist or has a story you’d like to tell you can email me at: itfonews@gmail.com

My personal music website  – sonniquick.net

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As a reminder, this site is still under construction.  I changed the design and it still needs work to bring out some of the special features. You can easily find other blog posts by clicking on the upper left to bring up the menu.

 

 

 

SoundCloud – Picking Up Broken Pieces

I recently put a blog post on my other blog that has a new piano recording in it. I wasn’t going to reblog it, but you can read it here if you want to. Today I only wanted to focus on the music.

My dream from very early childhood was to compose the most beautiful music in the world. A childish dream but never forgotten. I didn’t play well at the age of 7, but I could hear it inside me. I just didn’t know how to get it out. Even as an adult, through years of playing professionally and practicing every day it still wasn’t there yet. I have stacks of songs I wrote and lyrics and piano arrangements but it still wasn’t what I heard inside.

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Then I lost it all. I thought I was done. My piano gathered dust for 12 years. I lost my identity. At least I thought I did. I didn’t know who I was. I had always known, “I was a musician.” I felt I had lost the right to call myself a musician. I felt like a part of me had been amputated and it was a painful blow to my life. 

Then Jamie Cummings entered my life – the man in prison from my other blog. Through years of knowing him, his pain was stronger than mine. Then I nearly died in need of a liver transplant. That pain was like none I’d ever felt before. The recovery was very long and some of the damage done is what it is. Pain and I are good friends. It let’s me know every morning, I didn’t die in my sleep.

But something changed. I needed a way to express the pain. Not what I was feeling about me, but the pain I carried for Jamie – his pain and his loss. No one who should was recognizing his pain. It is a horrible pain when you realize that the people who should have cared – didn’t, and you are left to rot.  Because without any love at all you begin to die inside. People told him, “I don’t write to you or help you because it hurts ME so much that you are in there.”  That doesn’t make any more sense today than it did the first time I heard it. He and I understood our pain.  Even through the hell he lived in he worried more about me than about himself. Where does a friend like that come from?  How could I let him down, no matter what people thought?

I started to play again. I can’t really explain it, but instead of creating music from the outside by developing a cord structure and building a melody around it, I crawled inside the music and let it play itself. My fingers know what to do like a typist knows a keyboard. I knew what I was feeling so I mentally got out of the way and let my fingers express it. I don’t listen while I play. I just play. I hear it in the background like it comes from somewhere else. I record everything I play. I sometimes don’t listen back for days so I can hear it as something new. I can never replay anything because I improvise as I go. After that it is gone.

When I listen to music I recorded 2 years ago and those recorded recently, I can hear the progress and it is getting closer to what is inside. I’m not done yet. Where is it going? I don’t know. The process and progress is exciting. There ARE advantages to aging – experience. The more I immerse myself in the emotion I want to convey, the more that feeling emerges. Yes, there is, technically, an occasional wrong note – but are they really wrong notes?

I enjoy sharing my music with people who want to hear it. I know it may not be everyone’s style. Even listening once means a lot to me. You sharing it from soundcloud or anywhere else puts it out to new people. More people hear it. Leave a comment. Add a like. Stats are the name of the game. Who says a 62 year old woman is too old to keep creating something new?

Put your head back. Close your eyes. What does it make you feel? Play it again. Where does it take you? Can you do that for me?

 

 

My Radio Interview on The David Snape Show

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I did an internet radio show on the David Shape Show about the US prison system, Jamie Cummings and how he deals with epilepsy in a system that doesn’t care about medical care for the inmates.  When you go to the show it is quite long, a little over two hours. If you move the bar ahead one hour and twenty minutes it should be shortly before the interview starts.

We also talked about the youth in juvenile detention and how children are treated in schools using cops for discipline instead of detention, and putting handcuffs on them and seating them in the rear seat of a patrol car.

We talked about the book I’m writing about Jamie’s life, “Inside The Forbidden Outside”. You can find chapters on the blog. It’s more than half done and the editing process has begun.

We also discussed the piano music I’m writing for the book which will be included inside the back cover. At the end of the show one of my more recent pieces will be played.

This is the first of hopefully more media I will be doing over time to advertise the book that I hope will lead to being able to lecture on the prison industry. When Jamie is finally released he will be able to join me. He wants to work with the youth using his life as an example, in hopes of being able to turn their lives around before they, too, end up in the system. One in three black males end up in prison. Contrary to racist belief it is not because crime is in their genes. It is because of government pushing the War of Drugs on to black men’s shoulders making you believe through the media that they are dangerous.

Kids don’t understand the ramification of their choices until it’s too late. When someone has been incarcerated for a long time, and Jamie has been locked up for 14 years counting time in juvenile detention. Unfortunately, the four years in juvy was not because he committed a crime. It was because he defended his mother from a cop who illegally entered their home. He injured his mother and she was taken to the hospital by ambulance. He hit the cop with a broom. It cost him the rest of his high school years and four years of his life.

This story needs to be shared. Unfortunately, it happens far to often to too many black youth. I am asking for you to please share this on your own social media. The success of the book will be determined by how well this info gets pushed through sites on the web. It bring so much encouragement to Jamie as he sit in his cell 23 hours a day, working his way again, up through the levels. He has received letters from some of you. Knowing someone cares enough to write matters more than you know.

Thank you for tuning in to the show. Let me know what you think.

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