This is my newest piano piece. My music is always improvised. I play what I feel. This is the perfect piece of music when I need to unwind from a stressful day. I try to end my day and go to sleep – except I can’t. Sleep doesn’t come. My day keeps going around and around inside my head as I search for ways for solutions. I have a lot going on. different projects. They are never finished.
I have two blogs to keep going. One, this one, is where I post my creativity and sometimes the work of others. I rant and rave. I write poetry and music. My other blog is on prison issues and Jami’s life. I write a newsletter – ITFO News. the letters stand for Inside The Forbidden Outside, the book I am writing about Jamie’s life that is in a second rewrite as I polish it to make it the best I can. I want to help him get hiss life started again when he gets out in about 4 years. This is all in my other blog My Name is Jamie. My Life in Prison. My facebook page is very active for Jamie Life In Prison.
My music web pages take a lot of maintenance . One is SkunkRadioLive. – a indie radio station out of London. Also ReverbNation. – a very popular website for musicians. Another is Soundcloud. I’m putting an album out “Stories Without Words”. When It is done you’ll find the album at CDBaby, Spotify and others that sell indie music.
All of these sites take a lot of communication with other people, writers and musicians. When you are an indie writer and an indie musician there is no label or publishing house to do the work. I have to do it all myself and hope those who follow me on social media sign up for my newsletter, share a few things and help me push it forward.
And I love it all.
I feel in control of my my life. I make the causes. I’ll get the effects. I’m not waiting for anything else out there to change my life for me I try as much as possible to help other people. I share their work. I encourage people. it is easy to get discouraged. We put ourselves out there and people judge the quality of what we do.When I was a young musician it was different. Youth try to be famous. They want to play big arenas and make gobs of money. I know I did. But life got in the way. it wasn’t to be. Now it isn’t important. I just want to play music. I’ve have played the piano for many years and I like where I am now. I’m not trying to sound like anyone other than myself. If you like it – great. If you don’t? Well, you can’t please everyone. I also think I am writing a book that will have an appeal to many people. I have to have that confidence or I will never finish it.
Every day I spin my plates and while one is spinning I spin another and gradually all of my projects move forward. I believe in myself and having that confidence is have the battle. too many people start something and quit halfway through with excuses for why they quit. Not me. life isn’t about getting to your going – it is the process you go through as you make your way there. If you don’t love what you do you’ll find ways to quit.
The hours of the day go by. I forget to go to bed and when I do I lay there awake – thinking. As soon as I think I can go to sleep something startles me fully awake again. I look at the clock. 4am, 5am 6am. I blew it going to sleep. When it starts getting light out I know I’m in trouble. I know there is no way I can get enough sleep now and I’ll feel draggy all day. I have gone through many days with less than 4 hours of sleep.
Now, when I have a night when I can’t sleep, I put on my headphones and pull up the website for SkunkRadioLive, click on the first piece of music, turn it down low and escape into the notes as they play. It really is the soundtrack for dreams. Beautiful melodies that melt into each other. I enjoy music as I play. I close my eyes and let it flow from my fingers. It’s relaxing and often haunting. I hope you enjoy it. Let me know. There is enough music recorded to play for a couple hours and never repeat. Hopefully you’ll be fast asleep long before that. Z Z z z z . . .