Welcome To My World of Family Insanity

DIABETES

Insidious and so common. People are so nonchalant about it . No one wants to give up their favorite food. They’d rather die – literally.

I sit here with my chin on my hand trying to understand what went wrong. Maybe we get more cynical as we age. Maybe we don’t want to accept the fact that the life we thought we would have when we grew up, when we played at being grown ups and we wore our mother’s shoes didn’t turn out to be much fun as we thought it would. We wanted happiness and perfect families. We didn’t imagine people dying or even getting sick. We didn’t know about trauma. But now that we have lived a major part of our lives we don’t want to let people know we screwed up. It mightchange their perception of us.

Welcome to the real world. We close off the things we don’t want to hear. Is that why it is so hard for most people to listen? Is it ego? Family members instantly jump to feeling criticised. “How dare you! You aren’t perfect!” or “Who are you to tell ME that I am not?”

No matter how I say it; no matter how non threatening the words are, their noses instantly flare, they get defensive and act as though they have been personally attacked. Wow. I wish I had recorded that so they couldn’t get away with twisting it around so they’d look like a victim.

Aren’t families fun? Not at all. We joined the ranks of one of many dysfunctional families that gets worse with age

I admit it, I come across strong when something is important to me – like staying alive – and doing what I need to do to make that happen. The quality of the food I eat is crucial. Someone don’t have to be a vegetarian, or go on a macrobiotic diet, or Paleo, Atkins or Weight Watchers. Those are “diets” and rarely do people stay on them. Some of them are not healthy longterm and even if you lose weight, you gain it back.

If you eat a good, healthy, balanced diet, eliminating fake food high in chemicals and bad crap, you will naturally lose weight. If you have a disease caused by eating a lifetime of shitty, good tasting garbage your body is going to fail you. You need to take the time to read and learn about what the food industry has done to ruin out health.

IF YOU DON’T STOP – bad things happen.

If you don’t like hearing, because you want to stuff yourself with that wonderful bread at Red Lobster, and even get an order to go, AND you have diabetes, your health will break down and you will severely pay for your choices. We are responsible for ourselves. “Poor so and so, she died too young.”

Is it worth it? Emphatically, no! But if you haven’t had a severe illness you don’t understand how hard it is to gain back your health.

THE FOOD ADDICT’S LOGIC

I only eat ( item) once in a while. Once in awhile is okay, right? That may be true for some people, but if you have diabetes and the next day you use the same logic for why you ate a pizza, and the next day your dinner is on a bed of pasta with a side of garlic bread, and it tastes sooo good – you are in big trouble. – even if you spread that out over 6 days instead of three. If you eat different bad things all the time and have an excuse for every one, do you think you are fooling yourself? There are three women in my immediate family with diabetes, that I know of.  I’ve heard every excuse possible.

My mother has Diabetes. She lived with that logic for ten years, after her diagnose. She has charts trapped on her kitchen cabinets about what to eat. These charts do not take into consideration the quality of that food. She had a stroke. I tried hard to help her understand why she needed to change her diet, but she wouldn’t. She “tried” which is a cop-out. It sets you up for acceptable failure. Now she has to live with it – in a wheelchair. Am I 100% sure diabetes caused it? No, but it was likely affected by it because of the failure of small blood vessels in her brain which is what diabetes affects. It is why diabetics also have kidney failure, go blind and have their feet or toes cut off from gangreen. I’d like for her to not have another stroke. I don’t want to lose my mother earlier just because she had to eat cake. Her words, “I never meet a desert I didn’t like.” We all love desert. But it’s more than that. it is starches that break down into sugar. Regardless, at 83, junk food isn’t very wise.

I fell recently and couldn’t continue to care for her so she is living with my sister, unfortunately another diabetic who has the same distorted logic about what is okay to eat. And boy is she is pissed off at me for telling her that cake, pringles, white bread, potatoes, and cream of wheat cereal is not very good for anyone to eat, let alone a woman shooting insulin to stay alive. I could have given her detailed reason why except she was too insulted at being told something she didn’t know. Her hands went up in the air and she cut me off. How childish. “I’ve been feeding mom for four months. I know how to feed her!”   Let me think that through. Is it the fact she has been coming her meals for four months the important thing? No, it isn’t. The issue is I just told her she should change how she feds her because they both should eat better ALL OF THE TIME not sometimes because diabetes is a serious illness. But shell have to learn that the hard way. So – let her eat cake. It’s just a shame she cares so little about what she feeds her mother at the same time.

Because I have been very sick, and it was my own fault, I have learned it is easier and far better to not get sick than to try to regain your health. Some damage can’t be undone. That is not fun watching people hurt themselves and learn it’s too late to go back and change it. It’s hard to watch when you see people being so careless with the most important thing they have – their health. Life sucks when it fails. So my family can be as angry at me as they want. They are on the losing side of this issue.

“You’ve put my life on the internet for the world to read!

Meaning: I didn’t want people to know how I treated you was while you’ve been struggling with your health.” I don’t know how to be a sister, but all my friends love me!” (Direct quote. I couldn’t make this stuff up.) Or, “I don’t want people to know I’m not who they think and have a cruel steak in me”. Or, “I don’t want you to talk about us to everyone” Gee, maybe this family should have stopped wagging their tongues a long time ago. No one would listen. Phone lines have been burned up.

If they refuse to speak to me again – gee, we don’t speak now so where is the loss? If they get rude I have two other posts ready to publish.

All of this is about ego. “How dare she tell ME anything about what to eat.” She could have said, “Really? I didn’t know that.” She could even check it out for herself. In fact, if this makes them stop making excuses and learn why they need to pay attention to what their body is telling them, it might help their health, if it matters enough You’d think that would be important. Maybe it isn’t.

My sister has worked for decades selling Hondas. If I wanted to by one wouldn’t it make sense to talk to someone who knows about that car? Or maybe I should ask my dentist what she thinks. Would that be wise?

My mother told me, “I wish I would have listened to you ten years ago.” She might still be zipping around in her bright blue Honda.

someone-did-you-wrong

My sister and I haven’t had a relationship for quite awhile. I’ll only say she has done a lousy job being a sister. People who know me understand the reasons I say that.  So why I thought she would hear me about diabetes was pretty stupid on my part. I honestly wanted to help her understand how much she was hurting herself – and my mother. They are at a point, when you need insulin – that you CAN NOT eat something just because you want it! Your body will fall you! But why the heck should I care about her life? Because it’s a life? Because she doesn’t care about mine? Is that a good enough reason to say nothing? Even her doctor asked my mother to help her with her diabetes. The blind leading the blind. Of course I know this because no information is sacred in our family.

It’s wrong, but sometimes I want her to feel the pain she caused me so she understands. I guess I have issues, huh? It’s been hard for me to deal with. At least I can admit I’m not perfect. If I hurt someone the words, “I’m sorry” are in my vocabulary. Some people choke on those words. If our mother had not had a stroke we still would not have spoken to each other. It’s not easy to look in a mirror and examine the hurtful things we’ve done to other people. But life always gives back to us the effects of the causes we make.

With diabetes and one stroke under her belt, and needing a wheelchair now, what my mother eats, and more important, what she doesn’t eat is crucial. I believe, because so many people have diabetes, they don’t take it seriously. It has been normalized because it is so common. Even fat kids have diabetes now, which is sad. It is adults who feed them the junk they see on their TV.

FAILURES OF THE FOOD INDUSTRY

Profit is everything. Who cares if it kills you?

I research everything I can to stay healthy. In the 60’s we didn’t know what the food industry was doing. They hid data about lots of harmful products so we would continue to buy them. But once you know, how can you continue to kill yourself by consuming it? And how can you continue to support corporations who harm people and the planet? We have allowed our own destruction. Isn’t that stupid? Taste buds win over common sense.

There are two issues working here. People are now addicted to unhealthy food and to give that up is painful. That is why addictions are hard to break. They’d rather take the chance of cancer, a stroke or heart attack, to name a few, than give up the taste of certain foods they like. The other issue of ego is just as hard. Who wants to think they are looked at as weak and unable to control what they eat – and the person telling you is your sister and you don’t like her. How can you admit she knows something you don’t? You’ve just spent 6 years ignoring her, letting her know you don’t care about her so how can you let down your guard now? We didn’t speak for years, but now our mother had a stroke and it forced us to. It is detrimental to my mother’s health if she feeds her what she eats herself.

I don’t care if I made her angry trying to tell her why certain foods were not a good idea for diabetics to eat. Let that sink in. This entire drama was about unhealthy food. Isn’t that ridiculous? Welcome to my world.

I’ve been called a few choice names over these past few years. Old hag, drug addict, I’m evil and have a black heart. It’s amazing how defensive people get when they don’t like to hear the truth.

Foolishly, I thought I could set an example of how to care about someone. But it seems even the most devout Christians don’t apply the golden rule. As a Buddhist, it is the same as the Law Of Cause And Effect. How about – What goes around comes around? You get back what you dish out? You reap what you sow? Where is that understanding in the effects of each of our lives? That is what we all need to look at. Do you like where you are in your life? Do you take responsibility for the bad things or do you just chalk it up to, “That’s life. It is what it is?” Or maybe God wanted you to be sick. Then you can remove yourself from causing your own illness.

I’ve lived my life with a few mottoes that got me through life. Here is a good one for today. It is one of my personal quotes:

If you don’t like what I’m doing, don’t watch me do it!

Don’t Bring Candy To a Diabetic

Bowl of candy
credit source: elevatepromo.com

It isn’t a treat. I really do not understand people. Even though they know my mother is a diabetic and even though they know she had a stroke last April that was bad enough to put her permanently in a wheel chair they still give her the very thing that was the cause for stroke, thinking sugar “treats” will make her happy. Do you know the saying, “Don’t flash junk in front of a Junky?

I try to not let it make me angry, but it does. It’s not because they don’t know, because they do. Because of going through a major illness myself, I learned long ago that what you eat matters – a lot, if you want to live. I learned what I should and shouldn’t eat and why. Because I wanted to live I took it seriously. I would be dead now if I didn’t do that.

Ten years ago when my mom found out she had diabetes I did the same thing for her that I did for myself. I researched the disease. I learned what not to eat and the best things to eat. I sent this information to my mother and often talked with her about what to change. But I didn’t live with her so I had no idea what she was doing.  I could only hope her health would be important to her.  Later I found out she didn’t listen to much of anything our read anything, either. In addition to my mother, other family members also have diabetes.

My mother continued to eat what she wanted, but sometimes ate the right thing and thought that was good enough and considered it “trying”her best. As she said many times, “I never meet a dessert I didn’t like.”

She didn’t take her disease seriously. I think that since diabetes is now so common, many people don’t take it seriously. They think insulin will keep their blood sugar regulated but ignore all of the other damage diabetes causes. No one thinks, when your health is ruined, regaining it is a tough road; on them and the other people have to take care of them.

My mother had a stroke. Diabetes constructs the small blood vessels and that is what was happened in my mother’s brain. The doctor told me that most likely her stroke was caused by diabetes. Diabetics often go blind, lose their kidneys and because of circulation lose their toes, feet or legs. She also has a 40% chance of another stroke within five years.

Wouldn’t that scare you? Would you make sure you did absolutely everything to get as well as possible? If someone made breakfast for you – blueberry pancakes with syrup would you say “Thank you, but I really shouldn’t eat this.” Should other family members providing care be careful what they feed you, and themselves? No, and she he is going to eat anything they give her. I’ve gone over this till I’m blue in the face. If they don’t care what they eat why would it matter what they feed her?

With the internet available, all the information I know is there for anyone to find. Why people choose to be ignorant about a diagnosed disease isn’t very smart. You can’t “try” to eat better; either you do or you don’t. There are consequences to the things we do. When someone I love is harming themselves – with anything – it’s hard to sit back and just watch knowing that for every cause you make there is an effect.

Today, while watching TV at my mother’s place; I don’t personally own one, there was a commercial selling a horrible drug with seriously bad side effects, to make you less hungry. Wow. Since the person taking it doesn’t know how to eat right, if the lose weight they will gain it all back plus more when they stop. What an awful idea.

It’s easier to stay healthy than to try and get your health back. I understand that in a big way. I know I can’t fix other people. But I want these other people to get food for my mother that doesn’t promote her diabetes and greaten the chance of another stroke.

The food industry has destroyed the health of many people with the fake food that is manufactured. A high percentage of manufactured food has vegetable oil, soybean oil, high fructose corn syrup, heart extract, Aspartame and other chemical sugars, preservatives and many other bad things. None of this is new information yet people keep eat it anyway. They get fatter. The get diseases that are now so common they think is normal. To think so little of your life

is sad.