Picking Up Broken Pieces – Newest YouTube Video

Picking Up Broken Pieces

broken-glass-1794449_1920

This is the newest YouTube video with music for my upcoming book, “Inside The Forbidden Outside. The poem runs across the bottom. You can also read it right here.

It is my plan to put out a new video every two weeks, hoping that by the end of the year all of the pieces to my project will be completed and ready for editing. It has taken me three years to get to this point, having no idea what I was doing when I started. What a learning process. It has taken more determination and dedication than I thought I had.

For example – this video took 63 video clips I had to upload to my computer, after I found the ones I wanted, and then upload them into the software program I am using to make the video. Each video took 7-20 minutes to upload to the program. The clips then have to be arranged in the order I wanted and tested and retested. I’m still learning the word editing that has to be inserted into the different frames. It took about 20 hours to make this video. During that time I can’t work on the book or write blog posts. I can’t work on my music websites or keep up social media, so everything moves slowly as I circle through as much as I can in one day.

I don’t take any days off. There are no Monday through Friday workweeks. There is no paycheck for my efforts. When I wake, I get a cup of coffee that gets cold and I begin working. This project – for Jamie – and I don’t kid myself, it is for me, to show what I can do after more than a few years of making music.

If you don’t have deep determination to accomplish something, you may begin, but you won’t finish. You’ll put it aside after you convince yourself you can’t do it. If you can’t motivate yourself, or if you listen to people tell you that you can’t do – you won’t, and you will blame other reasons for why you failed. But blaming yourself probably won’t be one of those reasons.

But to do this I need your help – your support. I have a mailing list for my newsletter ITFO News. But I also now have a mailing list for my music and videos. You can easily subscribe to at at my website: Sonni Quick. When I come out with something new I’ll let you know. Listen and share if you like it. That is the best support you can give me. Subscribe to my YouTube channel. People look at that number when they go to YouTube and determine if someone is worth listening to. Growing those early numbers as quickly as possible is important.

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My Name is Jamie – wordpress blog on Jamie’s life and info on prisons and the criminal injustice system

Sonni Quicks Piano Improv –  Additional YouTube videos of the music soundtrack for Inside The Forbidden Outside. New videos are released as they are made. When you subscribe and share, other people have the opportunity to learn about the book being written which will help Jamie start a life when he is released. He needs your help. If you have read his story on the blog you understand why. Thank you.

My personal music website  – sonniquick.net

Skunk Radio – Indie radio out of London. My personal page

Soundcloud – all of my music can be found here plus music I have personally liked from other musicians. You can also play my album “Stories without Words”

Jamie Life in Prison at Facebook . . .Blog posts and news about injustice in the worldS

Improv Piano music of Sonni Quick – at Facebook . . . music news and other musicians

Twitter – My Name is Jamie

Tears For All The Years That Passed

im crying, sonni quick. karma, liver transplant
photo source: crazy4images.com

I’m crying
Why can’t the world hear my crying?
Tears for all the years that passed
seeing dreams that never last.
beyond the time you can see
and when you open up your eyes
the dream has passed
It’s now too late
to dream that dream again
my heart is torn it can not mend.
My dreams are dying
and I’m crying
for all I have that’s left is pain
I lost it all with none to gain
I look in the mirror, I see myself
hoping to see where the years have gone
I made the cause, I was so young
Sharp turns to the left
that way was wrong.
tears fall, say please
as they stream down your face.
a longing look at the piano keys
I wrap my arms around my knees,
Crying tears of loss
Crying tears of pain
No one takes a step across
No one ever takes the time
No one ever looks to find
No one feels the pain inside
And no one cares about the tears I cried.

This poem was written in 2012 around the time of my liver transplant when no one took the time to hear me. I didn’t want to die, and I didn’t want to fully realize I  was walking a very fine line. I still had things to. I wasn’t yet done living. I had been in a state of denial for many years. I still am. I was determined to live – to learn everything my body needed to live. I succeeded for a long time until the year I turned 54. It all came crashing down like a delicate house of cards made from one card too many.

I found the poem today when I was cleaning my desk, looking for one last book of blank checks. Some wounds are deep and they are almost impossible to heal.  They go round and round in your head until you want to scream to drown out the noise. That is when I often choose to write. All through my life I have put my words on paper or music. I have also written many journals through multiple decades. I think it was a way to not lose myself; to not disappear- a need to keep me solid to prove I was here. A hundred years from now my descendants can still know who I was today.

I had know for years that the number 54 was going to mean something to me.  I know this is going to sound strange, but I thought of it again when I recently wrote to someone who said she was 54.  I was born in 1954.  My father died when he was 54.  He died from liver failure from alcohol.  His body swelled with fluid until he looked 9 months pregnant.  His father died, too, when he was 54.  His body filled with fluid and it went over his heart and he drowned.

When I was 54 my body swelled with fluid and I had my first attack of ascites.  I was in end stage liver disease and my body was shutting down. The week before I felt fine, but my legs were swelling and I was getting very think around the middle.  The women who ran my doctor’s front office wouldn’t let me make an appointment with him because I had just been in, but after getting very angry they scheduled me with a part time doctor in the office who told me I was constipated and go do an enema.  It got worse. I crashed my doctors office and demanded to see him. His jaw dropped.  After he got done yelling at his office staff he gave me meds to take the water out.  It worked but he told me later he was scared for me.  Next thing to do? Pack up, leave key West and go get on the liver transplant list.

At the age of 54 I should have died.  Without the advance of medicine I would have been gone.  Many times, on this blog I have talked about karma – cause and effect.  We carry karma with us.  It is passed down through the generations.  From the time I was in my 20’s I always thought that any year I lived after 54 would be a gift. I don’t even know why I thought that.  My father was still alive.  I just knew.  The doctors at the hospital worked hard to keep me alive as long as they could, because I also had to battle liver cancer. Finally, 2 years past the age of 54 a liver came available that matched what I needed.  Not all livers work for all people and more people die waiting for a liver for that reason. The doctors said I came as close as possible to death without dying.  That is an eye opener.

But still, even now, I have to push through the damage it had done, and every day I tell myself I can do it.  I can dream.  I can still do things.  I can start new chapters in my life.  I’m off and running. I still have a few sharp turns to the left in me.  I beat the karma.  I’m 61 now and next July 2nd I will have my fourth birthday.  Date of transplant.  I’m a kid again. It will take a lot more than this to keep me down!

http://facebook.com/jamielifeinprison . . .Blog posts and news about injustice in the world

“Pure Pain” Piano Music by Sonni Quick

pure pain,back painWhen I was finishing my recording session yesterday this was the last thing I played.  I was in so much physical pain in the thoracic portion of my back it was hard to keep playing.  This music is my pain. The dissonant notes.  Surgery coming up in about a month that has a 50/50 chance of helping.

Pure Pain by Sonni Quick copyright 2015

Keyboard Keys Close Up ca. 2001
Keyboard Keys Close Up ca. 2001

12 other music links http://mynameisjamie.net/sonni-quick-improvisational-piano-music/

Dreams For Tomorrow. A little History And A New Improvisational Piano Piece

……Having two blogs I thought I’d share this over here, too.

My Name is Jamie. My Life in Prison

dream fantasy

Today,  I “talked”  with another blogger with the name of midimike.  He is a sound engineer.  He, like me, has been a musician for quite a number of years and we talked about our growth as musicians and the good and not so good music we have written through the years.  You have to start somewhere! He has posted a lot of his early music on his site so it’s easy to hear his journey.

I started playing when I was seven knew by the age of ten I was going to teach piano – even though I really didn’t know how to play very well yet.  I would drag my friends into my house from playing outside because i was going to teach them how to play.  I didn’t get along with teachers very well because I didn’t want to play the music they wanted to teach me.  I…

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Writing a Book is Harder Than it Looks!

book writing

I want to be a writer.  “Inside the Forbidden Outside”  is my chosen title.  There are chapter excerpts at http://insidetheforbiddenoutside.wordpress.com that will give you some idea of what I’m writing. At first it has was only going to be about Jamie Cummings and his life experiences, but I started having a problem with continuity because why was “I” writing it?  It was then that I realized the missing part of the book was me. I am part of his story.  I was able to see him in a way that no one else was able to, which is why I believe he was 99% abandoned by family once he went inside.

There was actually two prisons.  Mine and his.  He helped me through mine as I help him through his.  It was the relationship that developed as we both went through life altering events that shaped our lives.  It was my failing health and liver transplant with years of illness and recuperation and the letters back and forth between the two of us while he sat alone in a prison cell, each being concerned about the other, is the place where our relationship grew.

It has been a challenge, writing a book about this.  I learned more about our prison system in the US than I wish I needed to know.  But it is there.  It’s real and it needs to change.  Ignoring it doesn’t help the 2.3 million people needlessly suffering inside an institution that brings out the dark side of the guards that control it. Looking away and pretending it doesn’t exist is what most people do about most of the things wrong with our country.  Too few people take a stand and often those who do get punished for doing it.

Lack of material for this book isn’t the issue.  But as a new author it’s all the other “stuff” you have to learn how to do.  I’ve been talking to other authors, new ones and published ones to learn how they did it.  It’s been quite fascinating.  I learned when you’re done writing a book it just don’t magically appear for sale. Since I am definitely not a known author, going the route of getting the interest of publisher is pretty much out of the question…

So . . . self-publishing is the way to go.  The process of learning the five million things you need to do while you write the darn thing that is now eating, sleeping and breathing inside me, having taken up complete residence in my brain – now that is a challenge!  And . . . I have to keep writing while I create the audience to sell it to. You need quite a lot of determination to put out such a labor of love.  Although I don’t pooh pooh fiction writing one bit, finding the right way to write about something that involves living breathing people takes a lot of care and thought about how much to reveal without them wanting to kill you when they read it.  Maybe I should take out an extra life insurance policy on myself?

If you have been to my other blog My Name Is Jamie. My Life in Prison you know it takes place in a prison. So I decided I needed credibility to show I am an “expert in my field” and that meant getting down and dirty with an actual prison. Later next month I am going to start working with an organization that goes into prisons near me and has workshops with inmates, like anger control and  others. Later when I am done and want to talk to people and organizations, I want them to understand I know what I am talking about.  It would be great if through this experience there is something Jamie can do when he gets out, something that can help other inmates, especially those who also have family they have been separated from.  It’s just a thought for now – something to explore – a way to create value and turn a negative into a positive, and also give him something positive to think about now.  If you read my latest post on that blog you’ll know he is having a rough time right now.  A Story About Extreme Prison Guard Brutality

With so much in the news about our prison population our up and coming US Prez candidates are already jumping on the bandwagon with each party blaming the other for our #1 position for locking people up, especially black people, I think the timing for this book is right on the mark.

waiting on the outside, Sharron Grodzinsky

One more thing, if you haven’t gotten this new book yet that has just been released by Sharron Grodzinsky, who is a blogger here, you are missing out on a good read I have trouble putting down. Her son is in Federal prison. It’s called “Waiting on the Outside”. If you read this post today you can still get it free on Amazon. If you are a parent and ever had problems with a child determined to ruin his life, you will understand every pain she has had to endure trying to feel hope while feeling like a failure as a parent. Don’t miss out on getting it!

When dealing with people, let us remember . . .

pride, prejudice, vanity
The result of pride, prejudice and vanity

This is often hard when you want to talk to people using logic and appeal to their sanity and you can’t figure out what language they are speaking. English is not always English, or whatever your language is. There are people who argue just for the sake of arguing, always taking the other side no matter how ludicrous it is. . . to you. You wonder, do they really not understand? Maybe not. Was it because of how they were raised and what they were taught in their early years that affects the way they think? Did the events that happened in their early years give them a slanted view of the world that affects the way they think about things for the rest of their lives?  There has been much controversy about nature vs nurture and how much each affects who we are.  Our human nature, were we born with it or do we acquire it? Yes, I believe it is a combination of both.  So . . . I keep trying.  Maybe it is me who drank the kool-aid and doesn’t understand!

When we react with emotion, or our pride has been affected, we often put our foot in our mouth and say something we regret. Then further pride makes us unable to apologize. It is such a vicious cycle.  But anyway, I continuously go back to the drawing board and reflect on my own actions and try to self correct my own biases, my own hypocracies. I try to see things through the eyes of others.  Most of all I am trying to learn to listen, which is easier said than done when you are someone who talks a lot.  {{smile}}

Thank you Don, for this quote today.

 

Don Charisma


«When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bustling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.»

— Dale Carnegie


DonCharisma.com-logo-4Charisma quotes are sponsored by DonCharisma.com – you dream it we built it … because – “anything is possible with Charisma”



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