Listen to Playing Through Pain by Sonni Quick #np on #SoundCloud
The Ugly Color in the Rainbow
Sadly the people who left you behind don’t know what they’ll miss Closing doors, no final looks determine there is no worth No matter the reason, cruelty will bring you pain The kiss, never quite meeting the cheek before it breezes on There is no need to ever find out the person you dismiss Was the one you didn’t know you’d need the most When life pulled the rug from beneath your feet You end alone and so sad because no bridge exists to cross You barely see the other side to see if maybe someone is there You fall down weeping Head on the ground Breathing in the smell of the dirt for the hateful thoughts you had finding someone else to blame You threw way the ones who weren’t easy to know, who didn’t think like you, they had to go Never thinking the day would come Where they might be the only one Who really understood who you were How scared you were you wouldn’t find your way As you glued together the pieces of your life that wouldn’t stay together Life doesn’t care how you think as we gather in our strengths But no one makes it all alone, or knows the lengths life will go to show you what you didn’t know And you thought your life had no need of me You didn’t learn and you will never know Because pride stands in your way You made yourself stay away The truth was never important You made peace with just a piece You don’t understand why anymore You can’t just stuff it down It will never go away, but I can go away And the chance to make amends dissolves Into a pool of life and never resolves in any way. It becomes lost just like we are Because you stood still and it washed away The door that lets in happiness and good feelings The superficiality of supposed lies keeps you locked away in fear in a place where you can’t take a first step You give in to not changing the same old same old. Nothing changes. Life keeps grieving What if you were wrong all along All the unfinished feelings are lost in time No one else but me cares about that. I can’t care alone and I can’t forget It crawls underneath my skin Indifference is such an ugly color on the rainbow No one understands what the future brings And how it affects the future When we breathe that last thought and no knows No one is there to breathe it with you Who knew you since we were born The moment will be gone – forever gone We will be no more and no one will care
Lurking in back of my eyes Tasting the smells, seeing the ghosts No matter how often I’ve tried It reminds me where I’ve been And how many miles I’ve gone I tied it up in a garbage bag And kept on walking alone
Too late, it caught up beside me And said hi, where have you been? It’s time to pay the price dear You can’t run away from sin You made a cause, the effect is now There’s no choice, you can’t get away You chose to play, it’s time to pay It’s your end game, take a bow
Fractures from falling Invisible pain Counting the minutes Like drops in the rain It runs down my body Soothing my skin Gathers the heartbeats Holding them in
Imagine forever Time without rest The passing of memories My hand on my breast Feeling my heartbeat Wanting to end I’m broken in pieces Too many to mend?
You get back what you give No more, nothing less Trace the wound with your finger A tiny caress Time doesn’t linger Waiting to heal The pieces of you That forgot how to heal
This is the music and poetry for the latest chapter in my book, “Inside The Forbidden Outside”, an awesome and huge project, which those of you who have followed me already know. Those of you who don’t . . .
I’m in the second draft, although some chapters have been through more than that as I have learned more about the art of writing. Writing blog posts is a completely different ballgame. The first draft was more like a book of blog posts than a creative nonfiction story about a man inn prison as he comes to terms with his life and how he got there. You can read a few chapters from the book at my other blog: My Name is Jamie
You can hear all of the music and music videos completed so far at my website sonniquick.net.Join my mailing list at the top of that page to hear about new music.
This book has a piano soundtrack with song titles that match chapter titles. There are also music videos and poetry. Consequently it has taken 3 years to get this far. This post has the music and poetry. The chapter is half completed and the video hasn’t been stated. When I recorded this piece of improv – all of my music is improv – what came out took the breath out of me. I start with an emotion. The music just comes out in response to that emotion.
This is the latest music video for the book “Inside The Forbidden Outside,” along with poetry written for it. When it is published in both paperback and Ebook, I want the videos to open in each chapter and give emotion to each chapter. I’m not to sure how to do that or if it is even feasible but it’s worth a shot to find out. My brain works mysterious ways, lol, finding ways to make this more complicated as I write. I see it in my head. It makes this whole project of writing and music more fun to do. Below are the words found in the video.
IS IT RAIN OR TEARS
Is it rain or is it tears I felt it on my face It seldom ceases through the years Will time be able to erase the scars created by the pain I bow my head, the water flows and cleanses all, a healing rain The sense of calm a tear bestows
Is it rain or is it tears I felt them one by one the wetness soothing untold fears my dying thirst will be undone I close my eyes, reach out my hands scrape my knuckles on the wall blood mixes with the tears that land to soothe the pain and heal it all
Is it rain or is it tears Is it salty when you taste wetness on your outstretched tongue slowly falling from your face The crying tears, the falling rain mixes on your skin Cools the heat and soothes the pain and lets the hope again begin
How do I find my way? What is the reason why? How do I know what is the truth When I see my life pass me by I need to know what’s real I need to know what I should do No one told me. No one showed me I had no choice you helped me through
What I believe isn’t helping me So I have to ask again What is the reason why I’m here What caused my life to be So far away from all I love So many pieces fell apart Still I should thank a god above? who caused this puzzle of a man to wonder why this is the truth If it doesn’t tell me who I am
Nothing is out there watching me No one cares and no one plans No one knows when I’ll be free No one cares or understands It’s up to me and what I do I don’t know, I can’t undo the reasons why this tragedy Made me question my belief It hasn’t helped one day in here I learned to fear I learned grieve
I yearned to learn a different way Take control and never blame My life on any other cause I bent the rules I played the game I never fear these years because I lost these years by my own hand It took twelve years to understand
This is new music and poetry for a chapter in the book I’m writing. “Inside The Forbidden Outside,” which has gone through many changes since I began writing. Because it has been so labor intensive I have to believe there is a reason. I have to hope it will help Jamie when be gets out. He has read chapters, but he has heard no music being in prison. There will be so much to hear and read, especially on my other blog, My Name Is Jamie.There will be a video made for this music, too. All chapters will have music – about 50% is recorded, a music video ( 4th one being done) found at Sonni Quick Piano Improv – You Tube channel
This music is a piece I really enjoyed playing. If I “try” to compose it usually ends up missing something. It doesn’t work. If it hits me in the middle of the night or I have to stop what I’m doing to go play my piano, it comes out and I don’t know where it comes from. Playing these pieces of music, and I can play them only once, feels so good. After that they are gone. I can only listen to the recording of it. The same with any poetry I write and I’m sure other poets understand – I read it for the first time when I’m done.
In the book, which is written from letters, is Jamie’s story, but there is a place when it changes from the written words in the letters to me being real. I don’t want to say anymore about the story, but it is where this title comes from.
You can subscribe to the mailing list for my music stuff by going to sonniquick.net
“Where did you come from?” I cried You raised your finger to your lips and whispered, “No one can hear me No one but you can see me I’m a ghost in your head To keep you company
I know the days are much too long Use memories your mind creates For days you don’t feel very strong Endless time, will it ever end? Around in circles never straight Time goes slowly, round the bend
Years are passing, you see your age Watch the moon all night long I see your head lay in your hands Wondering how it went so wrong You always seem to lose so much You tell yourself, I don’t understand
You need to reach your hand and touch Feel the warmth of who is there It makes you human, a worthy man Even though no one’s left and no one cared “But you,” you say “Here you stand” “I could touch you,” and reach out your hand
How do I know you won’t disappear? You kept me going, when I lost my way I felt only anger, in my head there was fear I couldn’t think there’d be hope someday I wanted to tear these walls apart I wanted to scream but no one would hear
You kept me sane. You fed me words There is a reason for all of this “Be patient,” you said, then I heard “Imagine a life only you can see There are ghosts in your head You can learn to be free”