I love Myself

I love myself

I love myself

I think I’m grand

I go to the movies

and I hold my hand.

I put my arm

around my waist

and when I’m fresh

I slap my face!

 

A little ditty my mother taught me that my grandmother taught her .

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This was an early blog post 4 years ago. The writing on my other blog, My Name is Jamie, My Life in Prison, could get mentally overpowering so I started this blog where I could lighten up or write about other things

One day my mother sang this song. I should record it. It’s cute. I laughed and laughed because I could my short grandmother,  a flapper in the roaring 20’s, aging this song. Oh how she loved to dance. She met each of her 3 husbands on the dance floor.

So I thought I would share it again today. (smile)

  

The End Game – Poetry

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photo source: hepfi.org

The End Game

Lurking in back of my eyes
Tasting the smells, seeing the ghosts
No matter how often I’ve tried
It reminds me where I’ve been
And how many miles I’ve gone
I tied it up in a garbage bag
And kept on walking alone

Too late, it caught up beside me
And said hi, where have you been?
It’s time to pay the price dear
You can’t run away from sin
You made a cause, the effect is now
There’s no choice, you can’t get away
You chose to play, it’s time to pay
It’s your end game, take a bow

 

by Sonni Quick ©2018

Post liver transplant /cancer survivor/2012

Also follow:  My Name is Jamie. Life in Prison

Do You Live For Yourself – Or Others?

Do You Live For Yourself – Or Others?

 

Did you grow up in your hometown, marry young, buy a house close by and stay there for the rest of your life; or did you spread your wings and fly off, finding new places and new friends, living places you chose to move to as the opportunity presented itself and saw life as an adventure? Is one way better than the other? Look at yourself now. Did you do the right thing? Would you admit it to yourself if you didn’t? Would you go back and do something different?

I’m in my mid 60’s. I enjoy my age. I think I’ve acquired a bit more wisdom, and a heck of a lot of determination to finish life pleased with how I lived it. I climbed the mountains and survived – so far. As I look back on my life, each decade I went through was in a different place as well as a different way to survive, staying away from the conventional paycheck and instead relying on my ingenuity.

I know clearly where I was at each development of wisdom. Why me? What made me want to experience newness while the rest of my family felt comfort and security was more important because everything stayed the same? Someone I grew up with once told me she wished nothing would ever change. She’d stay in her house. She said she didn’t need any friends, they were too much bother. Was that her idea of happiness? Looking at her life now what effect did that have on our relationship? Not a good one.

What makes one person want to experience the newness that comes along in life? We have a choice to grab onto it or ignore it. Do we take the chance to make new friends or change careers, or perhaps begin a new hobby, and another person in the same family chooses the safety of only what is familiar, the comfort of routine and the predictability of sameness. Work the same job for decades even though they hated it? For the paycheck? It is worth giving up the possibly of finding a creative part of yourself just to stay in your predictable comfort zone?

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It takes all kinds of people to make the world go ’round. There isn’t one perfect way that is good for everyone. I chose long ago to not live with fear of the unknown. Any day could be my last – your last. I would rather leave this life with a smile on my face with the possibility of a new adventure on the horizon. When do you stop living with anticipation? “What if I went there and learned how to do that?”

The real definition of failure lies in never trying; crawling into your routine until you can finally justify your actions by saying, “I’m too old.”

Long ago I developed a mantra and have told it to many people along the way who also have had people in their own lives who had opinions about how they should live their life, even though it wasn’t theirs to judge. “If you don’t like what I’m doing, don’t watch me do it.” I don’t care what other people think about my life, especially when they don’t want to be part of it.

I’ve never owned a home, nor have I wanted to. I want to be able to leave when I’m ready, and I don’t want to have to repair the roof or other maintenance.

I want to be able to choose how I spend my day. Will I ever “grow up?” I seriously hope not. Life should be enjoyed. If you take care of yourself you have a better chance of not letting age bring you down where all you have to talk about with your friends are your medical problems. I will go out with a fight.

Every day you wake up is a day you can fill to the top with things of value. You are what you think. You attract people in your life who appreciate who you are.  If they don’t appreciate you get rid of them. They aren’t worth the trouble. The people I grew up with became people I couldn’t be around any more. Or rather, they couldn’t be around me. My mother told me more than once, “You scare them.” Inner strength and confidence makes some people uncomfortable. So I was kicked out of family get-togethers because maybe I’ll say something outside of the platitudes of talking about jobs and weather. I also hate gossiping about the perceived misfortunes of others.

Everyone has a choice about how they are going to live their lives. Some are waiting to die hoping for happiness later. I choose to be happy now – or die trying!

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sonniquick.net – my main music website. You can subscribe here to my mailing list for music and music videos

Waiting At The Amtrak Station

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Another month in the Florida Keys comes to an end and I’m waiting once again at the Amtrak again. It’s time to go home to Pennsylvania for a month. It’s become a way of life, going back and forth. I spend time with my son and two of my grandchildren and go home for a little piece and quiet and catch up on all the things I didn’t have time to do during the summer. Then I go back.

I love taking the train. I hate airports. I enjoy flying but the hassle of the airports is a turn off. I love being able to walk around or go to the dining car for a meal or the cafe car for hot or cold sandwhiches and drinks. The seats are big with lots of leg room and the restrooms are big. ( I should make a commercial!)

Right this minute I’m on my way north – been traveling for ten hours – 22 to go including a two hour layover in Philadelphia. That is my favorite stop. A huge historical building withwith  ceilings and quite a few restaurants and stores.

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I always meet interesting people. Today I met Vernita. (I took her picture before she knew I was taking it.) She said her name was biblical and she was the last of the line of women with that name.

We talked about faith – she a Christian and myself a Buddhist. I can appreciate someone who is sincere about what they believe without trying to say they are right and you are wrong.

I arrived at the station early this morning and so was she. We had a couple hours to talk – about her life and mine. She was traveling to meet up with her boyfriend who travels to job sites. Someone stole her phone at a cash register  and she was feeling vulnerablev with no way to connect. We will most likely never meet again but for a short time we were friends.

Sometimes we meet people and hit it off. We open up and talk like we’ve always known them. But maybe the next person, like the woman beside me now has no interest in sharing more than a few sentences.

What is it that draws us to some people and not others. This woman is going to New York so we’ll be traveling together until I get to Philadelphia and change trains to Harrisburg.

The train will rock me to sleep. Sunrise will be beautiful. I look forward to another great day tomorrow.

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My Dream Last Night Was Very Strange. . .

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I dream vividly every night. When I wake in the morning I’m usually in a dream. I can often wake early, get out of bed to use the bathroom, go back to bed, pick up the dream and continue the story. Sometimes I make myself stay asleep until I’m done with a dream and then wake up. Sometimes I’m awake in a dream and know it and do what I want – leave a house, walk down the street, open a door, etc.

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I travel a lot to foreign countries, but I don’t know which ones, walking, driving or flying through endless streets in endless cities. Or maybe walk through endless rooms on endless floors of a building. Sometimes I am the main character and sometimes I’m watching the dream.

I love to dream. I go to sleep wondering what the movie will be that night. Sometimes I try to program it but I don’t know if that works. I focus intently, though, on what I want to happen in my life. Meet the right people, or be in the right place to open the right doors. It’s interestg how that works. Some people never remember their dreams. What a waste of time.

I often write down the dreams that really make an impression on me, those ones that don’t fade all day. Why is that? What am I supposed to understand? My dream last night was strange. . .

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I felt the extreme need to hide from my husband. I “woke up” laying on a bed. ( not one I recognise) I had to hide – now – he was coming. I couldn’t move. I was aware of myself but was unable to move my arms and legs to get off the bed. I was scared. I focused so hard to move and slowly reached the side of the bed, rolled off and fell on the floor.

He came into room. I was so afraid he’d see me but he didn’t and eventually left. I woke up for real. I thought I was still sleeping. I didn’t know where I was. I couldn’t even picture in my head what my room looked like. A complete blank. I remember blinking and looking around in semi – light. Nothing looked familiar. I was more disoriented because I have been living in two places. One home in Pa and one in the Fl Keys. I don’t remember ever feeling so confused. Minutes went by until I sorted out that I was in Florida.

I’m sure many people have experienced being unable to move. I had a tiny taste of what it feels like to be paralyzed. It is not a pleasant feeling.

Tonight is another opportunity to dream again. I wonder where I’ll go.

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Geez, What a Busy Summer!

Geez, what a busy summer!  I think I’ve been turning around in ever increasing circles. I have found that it is impossible to do 2, let along 4 things at one time and when I decide which “thing” is more important I have to make myself not think about something equally urgent to do and just enjoy the moment of that ONE thing.

Today was the day to work on new music, I had a wonderful benefit to come into my life last week.  I am in the Keys right now, below Florida, for those from other countries who don’t know what the Keys are. It is a string of small islands formed from Mangroves. The Overseas Hwy connects them, ended at Key West, 90 miles from Cuba, where I had lived for ten years prior to needing a liver transplant and needing a better hospital than was available.  Enough of that!

Even though I was raised in Pennsylvania a long time ago, my heart is in the Keys.  Since my grown son moved back, I took the opportunity to spend 50% of time with him and a couple of my grandchildren.  But I needed a piano.  Not want – need. What do I do? I went on Craig’s list for the first time and there was my piano.  Almost literally.  It was an earlier edition of my piano. Complete with 5 track recording and the same voice sounds.  Different color, though, and  1/10th the price and the owner delivered it! Oh! Yes!  I am a happy camper now!

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This is what is on my list of things to be done and is in addition to all of the daily life things that everyone has to do.

1.Two blogs to upkeep and write for and all the social media stuff and communication that needs to be done to keep it going.

2. Three facebook pages. Personal, Jamie’s facebook page and my music page. Plus all the groups I’ve joined and pages I’ve liked that I won’t list. I try to get back to as many as I can.  People won’t pay attention to you if you don’t throw some love their way – same with the blogs. And of course Twitter.  Also Pintrest and G+.  I post on them but I rarely go there and build traffic.

I Thought  I’d add this. It isn’t a new piece, but I think I will be using it in my next music video

( and the list goes on! )

3. Annoying but important social media. As much of a time sucker that it is, I remember being a musician when there was no way to reach fans on a daily basis to let them know where I was singing.  Social media has done a lot for indie artists of any kind. Dinosaurs like me (over 50) were overlooked back in the day unless you were already well known. Same with the book I’m writing. If you weren’t picked up by a publishing house you couldn’t put out a book, and if you tried there was no way to advertise it like we have today. Without social media there would be no indie – anything.

4. I need to start work on a new music video.

5. I need to finish the chapter I’m writing for my book in the making, “Inside The Forbidden Outside.

6. I need to start putting together my next ITFO News so I don’t have to cram it into two days.

7. Forget email, I’m too far behind

8. Update and show the love at reverbnation.com – It hosts my website: sonniquick.net I can have my music reviewed here and listen to other musicians. I have another blog here that I don’t have time to pay enough attention to.  I can also check stats, growth, demographics and other stats and ratings.

9. Update YouTube, reply to comments and find other musicians to network with

10. SoundCloud streaming.  I push a lot to create a following at this site.

So where do I begin? Well, I guess tonight I started right here. It would e great to see some of WordPress followers at some of my other sites. 

All of this should be done every day – at least every other day –  and it is impossible. Tonight I took a little time and put this into a blog post because I’m not posting enough on this blog. 

I would LIKE to finish writing the chapters of my book and the music and get it ready for editing – by the end of the year. Can I do it? I’m trying.

I LOVE what I do and I’m confident that I can make this work.  Life is for the living and I’m living mine as thoroughly as I can and loving every minute!

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The Insignificant Habits of Sonni Quick

Good morning. I was cleaning up the icons on my tablet and trashing ones I don’t use.  I opened up apps thinking, “Why did I install this? It’s taking up valuable space on my hard drive. Did you ever read the permissions you give when you install an app. Permission to get into your contact list, explore AND CHANGE things if they want to. Why not just use your browser and find it the hard way?

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I checked Facebook messenger because I do use that a lot. You can’t get dragged into unnecessary gossip when there is nothing more to say over the phone.  I am NOT a phone person. I don’t like to talk on the phone and chi chat about whatever and put it off as long as possible. The ringer on my phone is turned off most of the time. I tell people if they want to talk to me, text me, and I’ll call back when I have time. ( Most phone calls are spam, anyway) Some people, when their phone rings they frantically make a dive for it interrupting what they are doing – women scrambling to dig I their purse when it rings when they are driving, feeling obligated to answer the phone. Not me. I’m not going to jump when it rings unless I’m waiting for a call. Which irritates my mother. She also wants me to check my voice mail which I only do twice a year. I can’t seem to get through to her that I never listen. “Why! Why would you not check your messages?” She says. “Because I can bring up my phone app and see you tried to call,” I explained. “Every message from you says – Hi honey, It’s mom. I want to talk to you, so give me a call when you have time.” ( She knows I hate the phone) So why do I need to go to my vm when they are all the same? I did save a few, So when her life comes to and I can still hear her voice. This is my quirk. What is weird is my kids are the same way. If I want to reach them I text and they call back if needed.

Well, gee, isn’t this interesting – the phone habits of Sonni Quick. Stay tuned . . . for the next interesting tid bit.

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Got up early. OMG!! 6:30. I don’t do mornings!! I’m a night person. Always have been. I usually go to bed at 5 or later. My thought has always been – what do people DO in the morning? ( which is  big bone of contention when my 84 year old comes to visit because she loves the morning and doesn’t want to waste it and since she is a wheel chair I don’t have much choice. But I can’t do that with the kids when I’m in the Keys. So my quiet time before they get up is now is time get my work done 

I’ve been walking most mornings, getting much needed exercise for this rapidly aging body with really bad bone density from many old bad liver. Gotta go early. Summer I the Keys is damn hot and humid. Love it. Anything below 60° I consider deep winter. If I need a jacket its too cold.

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Walking and bike riding (which gives relief to my poor, soft, blistered feet which are not used to walking) are the best resistant exercises for hip joints, or later one will break one and I’ll fall down and break multiple bones. (I’ve fractured quite a few already due to osteoporosis. Eleven I think.

I walked 1 1/2 hours yesterday! Came home and fell comatose into a chair for a couple hours to recuperate. But if I don’t use it I’ll lose it. At almost 64 (yikes!) it’s hard to stop a boulder from rolling down a hill and smashing into little pieces at the bottom and ruin your life.

Okay, I’m going to shut up now. Have the best day you can. Make a list of your appreciations and screw the rest. You only have one life. Do what makes you happy. If someone else doesn’t like it tell them to not watch you do it. For the most part you only think other people are watching what you do, but they don’t. So don’t let that fool you into not living life the way you want. It’s the only life you have. 

Live it.