“Nana, Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People? “

 

Sonni QuickI am honest, with myself and the people around m. I don’t lie. I simply don’t. The words that come out of my mouth and the words I write are true to the best of my ability. I don’t pretend to be something I am not. I don’t think I am always right. I can admit when I’ve been wrong.

No one is perfect. We all make mistakes along the way with good choices and bad choices. Those choices all have consequences we have to live with. But it is hard for some people to take responsibility for all of the events that happen to them. It’s easier to think some piles of crap we have to wade through aren’t our fault; something else caused it or it was just the luck of the draw. People often can’t connect the dots. Sometimes it’s too far back to see it so they assumed it happened by itself with nothing to cause it.

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A few days ago I had a texting conversation with my 19 yr old granddaughter who has been making careless choices that have severely affected her stability. She has burnt bridges while staying with people who allowed her to move in or asked too often for money while jumping from one boyfriend to the next. She’s young. She’s had a tough childhood. She’s been on her own her own for awhile making decisions but she doesn’t have the wisdom to know if she’s making good or bad decisions. The effects have buried her in deeper holes to get out of and she doesn’t know yet what she needs to do.

I love her dearly. She reminds me so much of myself at that age. Some of the careless choices we make when we are young affect us long after we have grown up but it’s too late now to go back and change them.

She said to me, “Nana, why do bad things happen to good people?”

Because being a good person has nothing to do with what is happening to you today. We can be a good person and still make bad choices. We are responsible for the things that happen to us. No one else makes them happen. Other people are worrying about the effects of their own choices. We cause our own mess. We bring the wrong people into our lives. We might not get the effect of that right away. The effect happens when it is supposed to, but by then we might not see the connection.

In the teen years it is easy to blame your parents or other people in your life for causing things to happen to you. It is hard to point at yourself first. Or pride steps in. “You were never there for me!” Why things happen to us is much deeper than what we did that day, that month or even that year. My hope is that she doesn’t make choices that can ruin her life.

Because of my own choices I made at her age, I am paying dearly for today. I had left home at 18 to go to college and screwed it up because I had a boyfriend who did drugs. The hard kind. I was always curious about everything. I wanted to find out what things were. It was a bad choice. I didn’t understand the word consequences. I was not taught about that. I believe it is one of the most important things to teach young people and it is only learned the hard way. But would I have listened if someone had tried? Probably not. I had to find out the hard way.

But I did stop, a long time ago. I felt fortunate that I did. My life was full. I had two kids. I was playing music. I played hard. I worked hard to take care of my children as a single mother. I thought I had it together. I didn’t realize until it was too late about consequences. It was too late to learn it.

I began to get sick in the mid 80’s. The doctors had no idea what was wrong. It could be Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Fibromyalgia, until I found out I had Hepatitis C in 1998. I had never heard of it. The cause I had made between the years of 19-21 was going to affect me more than I could comprehend. I had no idea what was coming up.

I am a good person. I try to do the right thing. I learned a lot about myself through battling these consequences and I’ve tried to pass that wisdom I learned on to others. But none of that was going to change what was happening to me. I couldn’t fix that. I have had to fight hard to live and it has not been fun.

I will be 65 this month. Tonight I lay against pillows writing on my tablet. I came home from another surgery as I fight cancer – again. I had a liver transplant in 2012 because of the Hep C and liver cancer. I have had quite an assortment of infections and things gone wrong because my immune system is suppressed. My bad liver caused severe osteoporosis and I break easily. My back fractured, by itself and I fell on my arm and crushed it like a roll of Ritz crackers so I now have a titanium shoulder and upper arm and elbow wrapped in titanium with many screws holding it together. My spine and neck are compressing. I have arthritis in my left hip. I’m an accident waiting to happen.

I can’t fight cancer. I had a tiny spot on my ear. They cut out a piece of it. It came back .  When it didn’t stop the entire top half of my ear was cut off. It looks like a dog ate it for lunch. I had radiation that permanently burned off the hair on the side of my head all the way up to the top. The cancer blew through that in ten days and now I had a swollen lymph node under my ear. The cancer went internal. Shit. I’m in trouble now.

My neck was sliced open from my hairline at the back of my neck behind the ear down to my collar bone across to the top of my sternum. Dozens of lymph nodes were removed, and nerves were damaged. There was a lot of  bleeding that couldn’t be stopped. My jugular vein had to be sacrificed. I look like Frankenstein and someone sewed my head on.

Will this stop the cancer? Maybe. Probably not. This doctor didn’t lie to me and say, “I think we got it all this time, like the last doctor did – twice.

“We have to take it day by day,” she said. “Watch you closely and be ready to act. Your cancer is very aggressive.”

But I’ve been given more time to keep fighting.  This is all I’ve had all along. Buying time. If I had a better immune system, maybe, but I don’t. Since the transplant in 2012 I’ve been buying time. It is just the facts.

Here is the bottom line. I still have much to do. I have made every day of my life count. I’ve been writing a book that I think is good. I’m trying to complete it and get it edited. It takes money. I’ve been writing music, pouring my heart and emotions into music, determined to help Jamie Cummings get on his feet after 13 years of letters. I have tried to teach him what I learned about life. The only legacy of value any of us leave behind when we die is the effect we have had on other people. Have we helped others become better people who the can teach their children and others who are important to them? I can’t leave this undone. I don’t have the luxury to take it slowly or waste my time. Time is precious. I spend it wisely. 

If you’ve read previous posts you know these things about me. Some of you also follow my blog My Name Is Jamie where there are also chapters you can read.  I’m almost done the second draft. I’ve been recording the music for it.

The past few months I’ve been trying to make money by opening an online store that is also connected to eBay and Facebook. It has been a tremendous amount of work – more than I thought it would be. It has cost money to learn what I need to learn. But I can’t pay an editor to work with me until I make money. I work at it every day – all day. On one aspect or another.

Can I be an example for Jamie and my granddaughter of what not to do? I have 6 other grandchildren. Will my life mean anything to them. Will they see a winner or just remember me in the past tense.

I need your help. I started a gofundme campaign. The link is at the bottom. There are a couple updates. If anyone can help. That is great. Would it be for a good cause? Even a couple dollars would help a lot. I will name all of you at the end of the book. I will give away ebooks or a book to hold for $15 or $25. Even just sharing it would help. It’s hard getting it out into the universe to people.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/surviving-after-quotinside-the-forbidden-outsidequot&rcid=r01-15634711733-97e969c5bf75409b&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_m

Now I must rest.

 

 

You’ve got to love yourself — Cristian Mihai

“Your opinion of yourself becomes your reality. If you have all these doubts, then no one will believe in you, and everything will go wrong. If you think the opposite, the opposite will happen. It’s that simple. The higher your self-belief, the more your power to transform reality. Having supreme confidence makes you fearless and […]

via You’ve got to love yourself — Cristian Mihai

This is how I live my life and how I keep going. I tell myself – and others – you are what you think. You accomplish what you believe you will accomplish it. Don’t doubt. Be patient. The road will open for you. But if you don’t think you can do it, whatever it is, you will surely not.

75 Inspiring Quotes About Success

Success, as with most things, starts with attitude. When you’re struggling, a small burst of inspiration can make a huge difference. Here are 75 quotes about success to inspire you to keep pushing forward and achieve your dreams. “If you set your goals ridiculously high and it’s a failure, you will fail above everyone else’s success.” James Cameron “Success usually […]

I saw this today on another blog and I encourage you to follow the link below. Sometimes it is what you read that either lights a fire under you or validates what you are already doing and tells you that you are on the right track. I have a project I work on, that if you have followed my blog (s) you are aware of what I’m doing. I started working on it seriously three years ago and a year ago I started over – because I knew I could better. I had to keep the vision of the end result in my head, knowing my brain would figure out the details and understand the steps along the way.

There is one quote about seeing the dots that connected everything when you look back on things you have already done to succeed.  We can’t see the dots ahead of us so we need to stay focused and confident in ourselves and have no doubt about what we are doing. We are what we think. If we think doubt ourselves we will fail.  If we think we will succeed we will, but sometimes success and what we want changes along the way and we need to be flexible.  If I didn’t stay focused every single day I would gradually make excuses on why I got sidetracked – just like most people do who don’t keep their gym memberships and why New Years resolutions are usually a joke. If we don’t tell everyone we know what we are doing then it is easier to stop because you won’t need to explain.

Click on the link below – you will be glad you did.

via 75 Inspiring Motivational Quotes About Success — Simpliv LLC

The Road I Traveled

growing older

THE ROAD I TRAVELED

Living and making it count ’til the end
Knowing it matters. Not giving up
It’s easy to say I’m sorry, my friend
Sometimes I’m tired. I’ve been through enough
But I can’t give up now, I fought to be here
I promised myself I had much more to give
I had to make the most of these years
Or what was the reason for wanting to live?

The longer I live I see in my mind
The road I traveled that brought me to where
I could see down the road to dreams I would find
One foot, than another will take me there.

No one told me living was easy
If I had known the troubles to come
Would I change? Would I choose to be me
There are roads far more traveled. Would I have begun?
Knowing time is not on my side

no one would care if I laid down my dreams
I’m still young, my mind inside of me lied
Don’t lay down no matter how easy it seems

The longer I live I see in my mind
the road I traveled that brought me to where
I can see where I’m going and dreams I would find
One foot than another has taken me there.

Sonni Quick copyright 2017

handwriting music

 

Within Her – Mom Life

She is radiant… She is pure…. She is everything….

via Within Her (a poem) — Mom Life

 

 

To raise a child that isn’t “perfect”, according to society’s standards, forces the parents who are expecting that perfect person to re evaluate what it means to be a perfect child. Any preconceived ideas of how to be a parent are thrown out the window in order to allow their child to grow to become the best they can be. Parent and child grow together – not without difficulty and not without a lot of patience.

When I was raising my children I know that most of the time I saw them as children. I knew they would grow up but I didn’t really see them in my head as adults. I was too busy trying to get through my day, and their day.

Now my children are in the age 40 range with children out of high school and living their lives. My stepson, because time was spent to allow him to become who he wanted be, and was supported through school to bring out the talents he was born with, was able to become the man he is today. I’m very proud of him. I was privileged to be Mom Sonni.

I love you Jonathan!

Golden Tears For Golden Years

Golden Tears for Golden Years. I thought getting old was a long time in the future. Aging happened to old people, not me. My life changed for me after my liver transplant in 2012. I understood how precious life was. We have a choice as we age.  We can get old on the inside and the outside or we can continue to grow and expand how we think about life, regardless if the outside skin ages. If we think we are old then we aren’t going to try new things and reach for things we want to do because we think we are too old.  Being old in our mind makes us appear older on the outside.

I’ve done a lot in my life.  Not everything was successful. But if you never try you know without a doubt that you will not succeed at anything.  Is there a point where you should stop trying? If you are able? That is a waste of the few years we have. People often grow old too fast.  They fear the unknown and settle for what is “safe”. It’s easier.  I see many unhappy older people. We do reach a point where it becomes impossible. Health gets bad.  Things we knew we should have stopped doing – but kept on doing, with the attitude of, “You gotta go somehow,” becomes a reality. 

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The older we get the more people we lose and the more alone we get. We don’t think about these things until it becomes too late.  It becomes a matter of living out each day until we get old enough to die ourselves. I live in a senior community.  I see it all around me. I see it in family who won’t change the way they eat even though they know if they continue it will shorten their life. 

I did things that ended up making me sick.  It came very close to ending my life, but I pulled through.  I’m not in the best of health.  Some days are a major push to get through. I can give into this and let it be the focal point of my life or I can “see” a different future. I can’t make anyone do what I think they should do, even if I am right. And I can’t live my life the way others think I should.

So here I am, in my 60’s.  Not young, not old, but coming up on the far side of middle age. I am using what time I have left doing what makes me happy.  I can’t make anyone else happy.  They have to figure that out for themselves. Financially I am not secure. Living on disability is barely working.  I lost my living when I got sick. I need to make more money and the only way I can do that is writing music and writing words.  I need to go through the insecurities and fear of failure and focus on what I need to do and trust it is the right thing. 

That is the meaning of the title of this piece of music. When we are young we have our whole life ahead of us, even though some die young they rarely know it is coming.  Youth have had very few personal disappointments from career choices and few relationship failures.  They haven’t yet raised a family.  Options of what to do is great.

At my age I do have things that bring tears to my eyes; disappointments that are hard to deal with; people who change and become unrecognizable and health that falls apart because either we don’t take care of it or we think we can start taking care of it at a later date.  I want to use the years I have left thinking of what I want to do that makes me happy. I’m coming up on my golden years and I want to make the most of it. 

It is not about what I look like, it is about who I’ve become which then shows in the music I create – that comes from the experiences I’ve had in my life. I am leaving a footprint of who I am that can be listened to or read after I am gone. My great great grandchildren? Maybe one will be a keyboard player or musician of some other kind who will learn who I am through my music. That music can live on.

 

Sonni Quick at SoundCloud – Stories Without Words

Reverbnation

Sonni Quick’s Piano Improv Music at Facebook

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Do You Know Why Your Thoughts Are So Important?

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Author: Margaret Blaine
We’re taught that our thoughts don‘t really matter unless we act on them. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

We are one with the creative life force in the core of our lives, so our minds have the same creative capacity as the life force itself. This means our minds are unlimited and can create the circumstances we desire.

In the Buddhist dictionary, we are told that the mind possesses the potential of 3000 realms in a moment of life and encompasses the simultaneity of cause and effect.


This means that every thought, we have, sets a seed in our lives that will manifest in the future when the time is right. Our outer life today is the “visible” manifestation of the “invisible” workings of our mind of yesterday. So, the thoughts, we dwell upon the most, create our life in the future. Until we learn about this we just let any old thoughts, and beliefs run through our minds, unaware we are in fact creating our future life circumstances. The beauty? We possess the ability to consciously change what we are doing to get better results.

As President Ikeda writes in My Dear Friends in America, ‘belief and thought alter reality’. This capacity of our minds is truly miraculous. Most of the time we are either unaware of what we have, take it for granted or doubt we really have it. We not only project our thoughts out to the universe while chanting, but we unconsciously do it all day long. Since the universe reflects our thoughts back to us, it is important that we become aware of what we are projecting.

I have heard people say that chanting doesn’t work. But chanting always works. The response reflects what you are thinking about the most. If you are chanting while thinking this is a waste of time, then the universe will reflect that back to you. But if you chant with the faith that you will get what you want, that result will be reflected back to you too. Awareness, of what you are thinking, will allow you to create the future life you want on purpose, through deliberate intent, rather than by accident. Awareness will allow you to achieve your goals more quickly, because you are no longer getting in your own way.

Become Aware: What Are You  Thinking About?

You give yourself a major advantage once you become aware of what you are thinking. It can be a challenge to notice the almost subliminal thoughts that flit by so quickly. But once you develop the habit of noticing, you will catch yourself when you are thinking about negative results, or worrying about problems. Then you can deliberately change those negative thoughts to reflect what you want to have happen and radiate that to the universe. The results will be quite different.   

This is what is meant when Nichiren said, “Learn to master your mind. Don’t let your mind master you.”

Pay attention and notice how you are thinking while addressing a concern. Are you addressing it with doubts or disbelief that you can change the situation? Are you focusing on your fears? Are you giving your attention to the problems and obstacles rather than the solution you want?

How to Resolve Disbelief and Doubts

• Notice how you are thinking.
• Resolve doubts through study or asking questions.
• If you discover you don’t believe you can achieve the goal you have set, then reduce it to the first step, something you can believe.
• If you find yourself focusing on your fears, redirect your attention to what you want.

You Can do It.

Changing habits of thinking and beliefs may feel slow. But it can be done. Just be patient and persistent. Shortly, you will find that you are developing a positive frame of mind. And, as you chant, focusing on the what you want ( your end goal) rather than the problem, you will see your life shift into a positive direction. You can do it..