“Nana, Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People? “

 

Sonni QuickI am honest, with myself and the people around m. I don’t lie. I simply don’t. The words that come out of my mouth and the words I write are true to the best of my ability. I don’t pretend to be something I am not. I don’t think I am always right. I can admit when I’ve been wrong.

No one is perfect. We all make mistakes along the way with good choices and bad choices. Those choices all have consequences we have to live with. But it is hard for some people to take responsibility for all of the events that happen to them. It’s easier to think some piles of crap we have to wade through aren’t our fault; something else caused it or it was just the luck of the draw. People often can’t connect the dots. Sometimes it’s too far back to see it so they assumed it happened by itself with nothing to cause it.

received_1027086617469813

A few days ago I had a texting conversation with my 19 yr old granddaughter who has been making careless choices that have severely affected her stability. She has burnt bridges while staying with people who allowed her to move in or asked too often for money while jumping from one boyfriend to the next. She’s young. She’s had a tough childhood. She’s been on her own her own for awhile making decisions but she doesn’t have the wisdom to know if she’s making good or bad decisions. The effects have buried her in deeper holes to get out of and she doesn’t know yet what she needs to do.

I love her dearly. She reminds me so much of myself at that age. Some of the careless choices we make when we are young affect us long after we have grown up but it’s too late now to go back and change them.

She said to me, “Nana, why do bad things happen to good people?”

Because being a good person has nothing to do with what is happening to you today. We can be a good person and still make bad choices. We are responsible for the things that happen to us. No one else makes them happen. Other people are worrying about the effects of their own choices. We cause our own mess. We bring the wrong people into our lives. We might not get the effect of that right away. The effect happens when it is supposed to, but by then we might not see the connection.

In the teen years it is easy to blame your parents or other people in your life for causing things to happen to you. It is hard to point at yourself first. Or pride steps in. “You were never there for me!” Why things happen to us is much deeper than what we did that day, that month or even that year. My hope is that she doesn’t make choices that can ruin her life.

Because of my own choices I made at her age, I am paying dearly for today. I had left home at 18 to go to college and screwed it up because I had a boyfriend who did drugs. The hard kind. I was always curious about everything. I wanted to find out what things were. It was a bad choice. I didn’t understand the word consequences. I was not taught about that. I believe it is one of the most important things to teach young people and it is only learned the hard way. But would I have listened if someone had tried? Probably not. I had to find out the hard way.

But I did stop, a long time ago. I felt fortunate that I did. My life was full. I had two kids. I was playing music. I played hard. I worked hard to take care of my children as a single mother. I thought I had it together. I didn’t realize until it was too late about consequences. It was too late to learn it.

I began to get sick in the mid 80’s. The doctors had no idea what was wrong. It could be Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Fibromyalgia, until I found out I had Hepatitis C in 1998. I had never heard of it. The cause I had made between the years of 19-21 was going to affect me more than I could comprehend. I had no idea what was coming up.

I am a good person. I try to do the right thing. I learned a lot about myself through battling these consequences and I’ve tried to pass that wisdom I learned on to others. But none of that was going to change what was happening to me. I couldn’t fix that. I have had to fight hard to live and it has not been fun.

I will be 65 this month. Tonight I lay against pillows writing on my tablet. I came home from another surgery as I fight cancer – again. I had a liver transplant in 2012 because of the Hep C and liver cancer. I have had quite an assortment of infections and things gone wrong because my immune system is suppressed. My bad liver caused severe osteoporosis and I break easily. My back fractured, by itself and I fell on my arm and crushed it like a roll of Ritz crackers so I now have a titanium shoulder and upper arm and elbow wrapped in titanium with many screws holding it together. My spine and neck are compressing. I have arthritis in my left hip. I’m an accident waiting to happen.

I can’t fight cancer. I had a tiny spot on my ear. They cut out a piece of it. It came back .  When it didn’t stop the entire top half of my ear was cut off. It looks like a dog ate it for lunch. I had radiation that permanently burned off the hair on the side of my head all the way up to the top. The cancer blew through that in ten days and now I had a swollen lymph node under my ear. The cancer went internal. Shit. I’m in trouble now.

My neck was sliced open from my hairline at the back of my neck behind the ear down to my collar bone across to the top of my sternum. Dozens of lymph nodes were removed, and nerves were damaged. There was a lot of  bleeding that couldn’t be stopped. My jugular vein had to be sacrificed. I look like Frankenstein and someone sewed my head on.

Will this stop the cancer? Maybe. Probably not. This doctor didn’t lie to me and say, “I think we got it all this time, like the last doctor did – twice.

“We have to take it day by day,” she said. “Watch you closely and be ready to act. Your cancer is very aggressive.”

But I’ve been given more time to keep fighting.  This is all I’ve had all along. Buying time. If I had a better immune system, maybe, but I don’t. Since the transplant in 2012 I’ve been buying time. It is just the facts.

Here is the bottom line. I still have much to do. I have made every day of my life count. I’ve been writing a book that I think is good. I’m trying to complete it and get it edited. It takes money. I’ve been writing music, pouring my heart and emotions into music, determined to help Jamie Cummings get on his feet after 13 years of letters. I have tried to teach him what I learned about life. The only legacy of value any of us leave behind when we die is the effect we have had on other people. Have we helped others become better people who the can teach their children and others who are important to them? I can’t leave this undone. I don’t have the luxury to take it slowly or waste my time. Time is precious. I spend it wisely. 

If you’ve read previous posts you know these things about me. Some of you also follow my blog My Name Is Jamie where there are also chapters you can read.  I’m almost done the second draft. I’ve been recording the music for it.

The past few months I’ve been trying to make money by opening an online store that is also connected to eBay and Facebook. It has been a tremendous amount of work – more than I thought it would be. It has cost money to learn what I need to learn. But I can’t pay an editor to work with me until I make money. I work at it every day – all day. On one aspect or another.

Can I be an example for Jamie and my granddaughter of what not to do? I have 6 other grandchildren. Will my life mean anything to them. Will they see a winner or just remember me in the past tense.

I need your help. I started a gofundme campaign. The link is at the bottom. There are a couple updates. If anyone can help. That is great. Would it be for a good cause? Even a couple dollars would help a lot. I will name all of you at the end of the book. I will give away ebooks or a book to hold for $15 or $25. Even just sharing it would help. It’s hard getting it out into the universe to people.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/surviving-after-quotinside-the-forbidden-outsidequot&rcid=r01-15634711733-97e969c5bf75409b&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_m

Now I must rest.

 

 

Bottled Note — Ricardo Sexton

Send me in a new direction, by my own To where “footsteps” tells me, I belong With dirt under my nails & drenched hair I’m unable to inhale, locked somewhere The dreams are all in foreign language As the compass spins around aimlessly Hopefully for the way back, the bandage To follow the storms, the […]

via Bottled Note — Ricardo Sexton

After I posted my newest blog post I noticed this new poem from Ricardo Sexton and it seemed to fall in line with what I wrote about and I wanted to share it with you.

BTW I just started new business under the name NEW DIRECTION which is in the beginning of his poem. Coincidental? I doubt believe in coincidences. Everything happens for a reason. That is the law of cause and effect.

The End Game – Poetry

hep c viris
photo source: hepfi.org

The End Game

Lurking in back of my eyes
Tasting the smells, seeing the ghosts
No matter how often I’ve tried
It reminds me where I’ve been
And how many miles I’ve gone
I tied it up in a garbage bag
And kept on walking alone

Too late, it caught up beside me
And said hi, where have you been?
It’s time to pay the price dear
You can’t run away from sin
You made a cause, the effect is now
There’s no choice, you can’t get away
You chose to play, it’s time to pay
It’s your end game, take a bow

 

by Sonni Quick ©2018

Post liver transplant /cancer survivor/2012

Also follow:  My Name is Jamie. Life in Prison

You’ve got to love yourself — Cristian Mihai

“Your opinion of yourself becomes your reality. If you have all these doubts, then no one will believe in you, and everything will go wrong. If you think the opposite, the opposite will happen. It’s that simple. The higher your self-belief, the more your power to transform reality. Having supreme confidence makes you fearless and […]

via You’ve got to love yourself — Cristian Mihai

This is how I live my life and how I keep going. I tell myself – and others – you are what you think. You accomplish what you believe you will accomplish it. Don’t doubt. Be patient. The road will open for you. But if you don’t think you can do it, whatever it is, you will surely not.

Lonely Spaces – Poetry

TP Starburst sunset CP reservoir 2 28 15LONELY SPACES

I sense in you an open space
looking far across the miles
an ache to fill a lonely place
with just as many heartfelt smiles

When you were young your dreams were crushed
You gathered up the pieces
Fell from your hands when they were touched
The faith you had in love decreases

You tried and lost to find someone
to make you whole again
See past the faces they’re hiding from
Is it real or do they pretend?

Still you search, someday you’ll know
Life isn’t easy until you know for sure
don’t doubt the love you want will grow
In time, the reason you endure

will teach the lesson you had to learn
There’s a reason why you felt such pain
It made no sense, was it just your turn
to feel it over and over again?

Don’t doubt, lose hope, it’s another day
looking far across the miles
When the time is right you’ll find a way
That empty space, it’s filled with smiles.

©2018 Sonni Quick

75 Inspiring Quotes About Success

Success, as with most things, starts with attitude. When you’re struggling, a small burst of inspiration can make a huge difference. Here are 75 quotes about success to inspire you to keep pushing forward and achieve your dreams. “If you set your goals ridiculously high and it’s a failure, you will fail above everyone else’s success.” James Cameron “Success usually […]

I saw this today on another blog and I encourage you to follow the link below. Sometimes it is what you read that either lights a fire under you or validates what you are already doing and tells you that you are on the right track. I have a project I work on, that if you have followed my blog (s) you are aware of what I’m doing. I started working on it seriously three years ago and a year ago I started over – because I knew I could better. I had to keep the vision of the end result in my head, knowing my brain would figure out the details and understand the steps along the way.

There is one quote about seeing the dots that connected everything when you look back on things you have already done to succeed.  We can’t see the dots ahead of us so we need to stay focused and confident in ourselves and have no doubt about what we are doing. We are what we think. If we think doubt ourselves we will fail.  If we think we will succeed we will, but sometimes success and what we want changes along the way and we need to be flexible.  If I didn’t stay focused every single day I would gradually make excuses on why I got sidetracked – just like most people do who don’t keep their gym memberships and why New Years resolutions are usually a joke. If we don’t tell everyone we know what we are doing then it is easier to stop because you won’t need to explain.

Click on the link below – you will be glad you did.

via 75 Inspiring Motivational Quotes About Success — Simpliv LLC

A Child’s View of God

sgi-usa

Today I was talking with my granddaughter, Moya, age 9, when she came home from school.
     While I cleaned out her lunch box, she said, “My friends keep talking to me about religion and I don’t like it. There is no god up there. That’s silly. Where is ‘up’ anyway?”
     I asked her, “Why do you think kids believe the things they do. Where did they learn it?” I also added, “Where did you get the idea there was no god? Who taught you that?”
     I explained to her that kids usually believe what their parents tell them to believe. Our family, or at least the ones who are part of our lives, are not Christian. We are Buddhist or atheist. Other people might need something ‘out there’ that loves them and has a plan for their life, but we don’t.
     “Your parents didn’t teach you god was a real thing, Moya. You should understand why we don’t. You should, as you mature, think about the pros and cons of both. Question it. Then you can decide for yourself if it has value for your life, or if you decide you have no use for it you should know why.”
     “Ask people why they believe what they do. I did. Most people said it was what they were taught when they were young.”
     “Are parents always right?” she asked.
After thinking for a minute she added “What if the parents didn’t believe the same thing. How do the kids know who to believe?”
     “That’s a good question,” I told her. “It would be confusing if one parent believed in God and the other one didn’t. What if one person was Jewish and the other was Catholic. Both believe on God, but each has very different rituals.
     “Tell me,” I asked her, “Why do you believe there is no God?”
     “Because it doesn’t make sense. I’m not going to believe it just because someone else does. Especially because they can’t tell me why it is true. People make things up and say God did it. How do they know that? Or they say things like, ‘God says . . .” when I know he didn’t say anything to them. That is lying.”
     “There are many religions throughout the world.” I explained. “They teach many things. I believe the most important thing about any religion is that it teaches you is how to be a better person. Can you to learn the right thing to do? Do the teachings tell you to have blind faith? Does it teach you that you are responsible for your actions, and if you do something wrong, it affects your life?  You are responsible. Or does it teach you to pray to God to fix your problems?”
     I was a Christian when I was young and lived at home. I went to Sunday School and church was old enough to move away from home . I couldn’t see that it helped anyone. People went to church because all their friends did. It was another 15 years before I started studying Buddhism. That was 30 years ago. Even my mother left the church for Nichiren Buddhism.
     These are heavy concepts for a nine year old to wrap their head around. She hasn’t has much experience in the world. It would be great to have an unseen entity fix things without us having to worry about it. We learn from or mistakes. If we don’t acquire the wisdom to do things ourselves we don’t change.
     I have been told more than once that to get into heaven you only need to make sure to ask Jesus to come into your heart and all sins (causes you made) will be forgiven. Then you can go to heaven. People focus on heaven because they think they will be happy there. I never could buy that. You could be hateful, cheat, steal, even molest a child, then ask for forgiveness and you are saved!
     Will that create a happy life? I doubt it. It also makes more sense to me that heaven and hell are a state of mind we live every day.

     “Your teacher told me you were acting out on class. She had to make you sit in time out. ” I continued. ” When she turned around to talk to someone you got up as if you didn’t have to listen.” You got into trouble.         You caused it to yourself. You are responsible for your unhappiness. This is what I meant by cause and effect. Everything you do affects your life in some way, either in a good way or a bad way.
     “If you make good causes by doing the right thing your life will be happy. Not laughing happy. Good happy. You enjoy life.”
     “Aways try to do the right thing and learn from your mistakes. Be good to people. Treat them the way you want to be treated.” Moya was listening hard so I continued to try to help her understand.
     “Many people who say their life is about loving God believe they will be happy that way.”
===============================

If I say anymore it to will be too much for her. But I’d like to add something else for the readers who have as account on Facebook. The God posters are getting to be too much. I can understand it on the timeline – to a degree. It’s your page. You can post anything you want. But respect that other people may not be Christian. If you want to send out messages through messenger to the people you are connected to, don’t just automatically send it out to everyone. It isn’t like your timeline where things get pushed down if you aren’t there to see it. 

Those messages that were sent out through messager sit there until you personally attend to it. My faith is Buddhism. I had to write back to more people than I cared to, asking them to please stop sending me Christian religious stuff. It isn’t appreciated. I don’t send Buddhist quotes or Gosho passages to you.

If I want to talk about Nichiren Buddhism I will write a post on my blog. That blog post will go to my timeline. You might see it if You are on fb at that time. But I don’t send it to you personally. If you want to send yours, go through your list and select those you know would want to receive it. Or make a Facebook page that expresses your belief and ask those friends to “like” it. Then your religious quotes will go to those people. Be respectful.