Am I Too Broken To Mend – Poetry and Music

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Fractures from falling
Invisible pain
Counting the minutes
Like drops in the rain
It runs down my body
Soothing my skin
Gathers the heartbeats
Holding them in

Imagine forever
Time without rest
The passing of memories
My hand on my breast
Feeling my heartbeat
Wanting to end
I’m broken in pieces
Too many to mend?

You get back what you give
No more, nothing less
Trace the wound with your finger
A tiny caress
Time doesn’t linger
Waiting to heal
The pieces of you
That forgot how to heal

 

This is the music and poetry for the latest chapter in my book, “Inside The Forbidden Outside”, an awesome and huge project, which those of you who have followed me already know. Those of you who don’t . . .

I’m in the second draft, although some chapters have been through more than that as I have learned more about the art of writing. Writing blog posts is a completely different ballgame. The first draft was more like a book of blog posts than a creative nonfiction story about a man inn prison as he comes to terms with his life and how he got there. You can read a few chapters from the book at my other blog: My Name is Jamie

You can hear all of the music and music videos completed so far at my website sonniquick.net. Join my mailing list at the top of that page to hear about new music.

This book has a piano soundtrack with song titles that match chapter titles. There are also music videos and poetry. Consequently it has taken 3 years to get this far. This post has the music and poetry. The chapter is half completed and the video hasn’t been stated. When I recorded this piece of improv – all of my music is improv – what came out took the breath out of me. I start with an emotion. The music just comes out in response to that emotion.

Appreciate Your Journey

This morning I received this poster from William, a man I am connected to on Messenger. About once aweek or so we exchange something – usually of a positive nature or something about society that needs to change. Today I decided to post our exchange because it is something I feel strongly about.

Think about the words on this poster. What do they mean to you? It’s not about just appreciating your life, but how it causes you to do something about the next step in your life. Life is a journey. It never stays stagnant. How do you get to the next step of where you are going – and what is the purpose? Where are you going? Do you just let life slap you around? Do you understand it is the causes you make that produce the effects in your life and YOU are responsible for that? It would be great if you could blame something or someone else for the bad shit, but you can’t. And it is what you learn through dealing with it that gets you to the next step – if your eyes are open wide enough to see it. Below is my response:

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Many people do not have enough appreciation for their lives. They take it for granted and waste the time they have to explore their own potential. There is no hunger to see what they are capable of, settling for security – if they have it – and going no farther, often stepping on other people to acquire it. The human race is so incredible and many who belong to it are such a disappointment. If we could have but a glimpse inside their psychological thinking to see how they justify to themselves the evil they do. Do they know it? Does it affect them? I’ve been on a rant the last couple days – more than usual, if that is possible.

But in the end – of our own lives – the only legacy we can leave behind that has true value is the effect we had on other lives, and did that effect make a positive difference in their lives. Many people want to be remembered in some way but being remembered Isn’t enough. It is the causes and effects of who you are that matters.

Thanks for your message today. You caught me in a philosophical frame of mind. 😒You have a great day, too.

Life Is a Merry go Round

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It would be easy to read this title and think it’s a happy video. Going to the carnival and having fun. Not Quite. It actually represents 8 prisons so far that Jamie has been moved to from one end of Texas to the other.

This is one of a growing number of music videos to promote my upcoming book, “Inside The Forbidden Outside”. Click on the YouTube link in the video to go to YouTube to like, Subscribe and click the bell for notification of any new videos.

If you’d like to read any chapters or excerpts go to my other blog My Name Is Jamie. My Life in Prison. The book cover heads any posts with chapters of “Inside The Forbidden Outside”.

Music facebook Page

Music website – Sonni Quick – complete music list, videos and photos. Sign up for mailing list to hear new music when it is published.

Do You Live For Yourself – Or Others?

Do You Live For Yourself – Or Others?

 

Did you grow up in your hometown, marry young, buy a house close by and stay there for the rest of your life; or did you spread your wings and fly off, finding new places and new friends, living places you chose to move to as the opportunity presented itself and saw life as an adventure? Is one way better than the other? Look at yourself now. Did you do the right thing? Would you admit it to yourself if you didn’t? Would you go back and do something different?

I’m in my mid 60’s. I enjoy my age. I think I’ve acquired a bit more wisdom, and a heck of a lot of determination to finish life pleased with how I lived it. I climbed the mountains and survived – so far. As I look back on my life, each decade I went through was in a different place as well as a different way to survive, staying away from the conventional paycheck and instead relying on my ingenuity.

I know clearly where I was at each development of wisdom. Why me? What made me want to experience newness while the rest of my family felt comfort and security was more important because everything stayed the same? Someone I grew up with once told me she wished nothing would ever change. She’d stay in her house. She said she didn’t need any friends, they were too much bother. Was that her idea of happiness? Looking at her life now what effect did that have on our relationship? Not a good one.

What makes one person want to experience the newness that comes along in life? We have a choice to grab onto it or ignore it. Do we take the chance to make new friends or change careers, or perhaps begin a new hobby, and another person in the same family chooses the safety of only what is familiar, the comfort of routine and the predictability of sameness. Work the same job for decades even though they hated it? For the paycheck? It is worth giving up the possibly of finding a creative part of yourself just to stay in your predictable comfort zone?

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It takes all kinds of people to make the world go ’round. There isn’t one perfect way that is good for everyone. I chose long ago to not live with fear of the unknown. Any day could be my last – your last. I would rather leave this life with a smile on my face with the possibility of a new adventure on the horizon. When do you stop living with anticipation? “What if I went there and learned how to do that?”

The real definition of failure lies in never trying; crawling into your routine until you can finally justify your actions by saying, “I’m too old.”

Long ago I developed a mantra and have told it to many people along the way who also have had people in their own lives who had opinions about how they should live their life, even though it wasn’t theirs to judge. “If you don’t like what I’m doing, don’t watch me do it.” I don’t care what other people think about my life, especially when they don’t want to be part of it.

I’ve never owned a home, nor have I wanted to. I want to be able to leave when I’m ready, and I don’t want to have to repair the roof or other maintenance.

I want to be able to choose how I spend my day. Will I ever “grow up?” I seriously hope not. Life should be enjoyed. If you take care of yourself you have a better chance of not letting age bring you down where all you have to talk about with your friends are your medical problems. I will go out with a fight.

Every day you wake up is a day you can fill to the top with things of value. You are what you think. You attract people in your life who appreciate who you are.  If they don’t appreciate you get rid of them. They aren’t worth the trouble. The people I grew up with became people I couldn’t be around any more. Or rather, they couldn’t be around me. My mother told me more than once, “You scare them.” Inner strength and confidence makes some people uncomfortable. So I was kicked out of family get-togethers because maybe I’ll say something outside of the platitudes of talking about jobs and weather. I also hate gossiping about the perceived misfortunes of others.

Everyone has a choice about how they are going to live their lives. Some are waiting to die hoping for happiness later. I choose to be happy now – or die trying!

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sonniquick.net – my main music website. You can subscribe here to my mailing list for music and music videos

Whispers From Nowhere

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Whispers From Nowhere is a very recent recording for one of the chapters in my book. It’s moving along! Each chapter has music and many have a music video. I keep plates spinning as I work on one thing and then another. In this second draft of my book, I am 15 chapters in. About 35k words. It’s the biggest, and most extensive undertaking in my life I can think of. My appreciation is HUGE for those who follow me. 

You can go to my music website: Sonni Quick and find all of the music, videos and photos. Subscribe to my email list. I occasionally send emails that has new music in it.

You can go to my other blog: My Name is Jamie and subscribe to my newsletter ITFO News and that also has book chapters to “Inside The Forbidden Outside”. Subscribers get a $5 discount for the T-Shirt and Totebag I sell for Jamie, the man I write about. Take a look!

Waiting At The Amtrak Station

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Another month in the Florida Keys comes to an end and I’m waiting once again at the Amtrak again. It’s time to go home to Pennsylvania for a month. It’s become a way of life, going back and forth. I spend time with my son and two of my grandchildren and go home for a little piece and quiet and catch up on all the things I didn’t have time to do during the summer. Then I go back.

I love taking the train. I hate airports. I enjoy flying but the hassle of the airports is a turn off. I love being able to walk around or go to the dining car for a meal or the cafe car for hot or cold sandwhiches and drinks. The seats are big with lots of leg room and the restrooms are big. ( I should make a commercial!)

Right this minute I’m on my way north – been traveling for ten hours – 22 to go including a two hour layover in Philadelphia. That is my favorite stop. A huge historical building withwith  ceilings and quite a few restaurants and stores.

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I always meet interesting people. Today I met Vernita. (I took her picture before she knew I was taking it.) She said her name was biblical and she was the last of the line of women with that name.

We talked about faith – she a Christian and myself a Buddhist. I can appreciate someone who is sincere about what they believe without trying to say they are right and you are wrong.

I arrived at the station early this morning and so was she. We had a couple hours to talk – about her life and mine. She was traveling to meet up with her boyfriend who travels to job sites. Someone stole her phone at a cash register  and she was feeling vulnerablev with no way to connect. We will most likely never meet again but for a short time we were friends.

Sometimes we meet people and hit it off. We open up and talk like we’ve always known them. But maybe the next person, like the woman beside me now has no interest in sharing more than a few sentences.

What is it that draws us to some people and not others. This woman is going to New York so we’ll be traveling together until I get to Philadelphia and change trains to Harrisburg.

The train will rock me to sleep. Sunrise will be beautiful. I look forward to another great day tomorrow.

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My Dream Last Night Was Very Strange. . .

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I dream vividly every night. When I wake in the morning I’m usually in a dream. I can often wake early, get out of bed to use the bathroom, go back to bed, pick up the dream and continue the story. Sometimes I make myself stay asleep until I’m done with a dream and then wake up. Sometimes I’m awake in a dream and know it and do what I want – leave a house, walk down the street, open a door, etc.

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I travel a lot to foreign countries, but I don’t know which ones, walking, driving or flying through endless streets in endless cities. Or maybe walk through endless rooms on endless floors of a building. Sometimes I am the main character and sometimes I’m watching the dream.

I love to dream. I go to sleep wondering what the movie will be that night. Sometimes I try to program it but I don’t know if that works. I focus intently, though, on what I want to happen in my life. Meet the right people, or be in the right place to open the right doors. It’s interestg how that works. Some people never remember their dreams. What a waste of time.

I often write down the dreams that really make an impression on me, those ones that don’t fade all day. Why is that? What am I supposed to understand? My dream last night was strange. . .

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I felt the extreme need to hide from my husband. I “woke up” laying on a bed. ( not one I recognise) I had to hide – now – he was coming. I couldn’t move. I was aware of myself but was unable to move my arms and legs to get off the bed. I was scared. I focused so hard to move and slowly reached the side of the bed, rolled off and fell on the floor.

He came into room. I was so afraid he’d see me but he didn’t and eventually left. I woke up for real. I thought I was still sleeping. I didn’t know where I was. I couldn’t even picture in my head what my room looked like. A complete blank. I remember blinking and looking around in semi – light. Nothing looked familiar. I was more disoriented because I have been living in two places. One home in Pa and one in the Fl Keys. I don’t remember ever feeling so confused. Minutes went by until I sorted out that I was in Florida.

I’m sure many people have experienced being unable to move. I had a tiny taste of what it feels like to be paralyzed. It is not a pleasant feeling.

Tonight is another opportunity to dream again. I wonder where I’ll go.

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