SHARP TURNS TO THE LEFT
How many sharp turns can you make
until you run into yourself again?
When I look back on my crazy life
is there any part I could not defend?
Always running, chasing, grabbing
hold of this and that
Living here and living there
in a different habitat.
Procrastinating, changing direction
Sometimes I’d change upon reflection
So many dreams inside my head
But my children never went unfed
I was their mother and I was father
To mention him is not worth the bother
I tried so hard. I worked so hard.
I never thought of failure
I never once thought, not one time
I wouldn’t find an answer.
I did everything intensely
with my addictive personality
I had no idea what I was doing
in a constant state of always moving
I dearly miss my children
now that they are grown
far away, too far away
with children of their own
All I have are memories
and pictures of our lives
Never knowing at the time
just how fast time flies
What would I do different
if I had the chance
A different turn to the left
a change of circumstance?
I wouldn’t waste a moment
tears flow at that thought.
Where would I be? Where would they?
A different crisis fought?
By that time, by their birth
it was too late for me
Cut into stone, carved in deep
I couldn’t run from destiny
or the virus called Hepatitis C
Why is hindsight always perfect
and seen so very clear
The older I get each breath I take
is so extremely dear
The more I see it clearly
my life was far from boring
Years don’t run together
flying, crashing, soaring.
Never staying quite the same
I can say exactly where I was
and each year I can name.
Every step of every goal
I reached for every dream.
Every sharp turn to the left
no fear of those unseen.
Friends made, friends lost
never seen again.
A phonecall here, a letter there
but never knowing when
One big reget was loss of love
from people bound by blood
They never knew what made me tick
and kicked me ‘neath the rug
I was easier to avoid
than reaching out with love.
“It’s not my fault! I did nothing wrong
by ignoring you were sick
I didn’t even ask you how you were
I don’t know you sister, Sonni Quick.”
You crossed your arms and pursed your lips.
“I’ll never apologize.
I will never admit I might be wrong,”
because I judged you by my life.
You couldn’t, wouldn’t understand.
It’s easier not to care
What if you need me in your life
and can’t find me anywhere?
Oh well, I’m tired of trying
you can’t make people want
to be around you when it’s easier
to be so nonchalant
But I still have sharp left turns
and my plate is full of dreams
Inside my heart my passion burns
with endless strength it seems
It doesn’t matter that my life
burns on the other side
I have less than more, life to live
but I’ll be damned if I let it slide.
One thing I taught my kids
I hope that they teach theirs
There are consequences for everything
for hopes, for dreams, for dares.
I finally made the sharp turn
that brought me face to face
with myself inside a mirror
seeing lines I can’t erase
There is wisdom in those eyes
I know weren’t there before
I have no regrets
my sharp left turns gave me so much more
than if I had stood very still
afraid of something new
I grabbed life and held on tight
to dreams I will still pursue.
So you don’t have to like me
or approve of me today
Those of you who made that choice
it doesn’t matter anyway.
At least I tried, held out my hand
you slapped it to the side
You believed the lies, because someone else
lives with too much pride
I love myself, I love my life
I love the lessons learned
I never have to wonder what . . .
would have happened – if I tried.
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