Sharp Turns To The Left

SHARP TURNS TO THE LEFT

How many sharp turns can you make 

until you run into yourself again? 

When I look back on my crazy life 

is there any part I could not defend?

Always running, chasing, grabbing 

hold of this and that

Living here and living there

in a different habitat.

Procrastinating, changing direction 

Sometimes I’d change upon reflection

So many dreams inside my head

But my children never went unfed

I was their mother and I was father

To mention him is not worth the bother

I tried so hard. I worked so hard. 

I never thought of failure   

I never once thought, not one time

I wouldn’t find an answer.    

I did everything intensely

with my addictive personality              

I had no idea what I was doing       

in a constant state of always moving

I dearly miss my children

now that they are grown

far away, too far away 

with children of their own 

All I have are memories 

and pictures of our lives   

Never knowing at the time 

just how fast time flies      

What would I do different 

if I had the chance

A different turn to the left

a change of circumstance?

I wouldn’t waste a moment 

tears flow at that thought.

Where would I be? Where would they? 

A different crisis fought?

By that time, by their birth

it was too late for me

Cut into stone, carved in deep

I couldn’t run from destiny

or the virus called Hepatitis C

Why is hindsight always perfect 

and seen so very clear

The older I get each breath I take 

is so extremely dear 

The more I see it clearly 

my life was far from boring

Years don’t run together

flying, crashing, soaring.

Never staying quite the same

I can say exactly where I was

and each year I can name.

Every step of every goal 

I reached for every dream.       

Every sharp turn to the left 

no fear of those unseen.

Friends made, friends lost

never seen again.  

A phonecall here, a letter there 

but never knowing when

One big reget was loss of love 

from people bound by blood

They never knew what made me tick

and kicked me ‘neath the rug

I was easier to avoid 

than reaching out with love.

 

“It’s not my fault!  I did nothing wrong

by ignoring you were sick

I didn’t even ask you how you were 

I don’t know you sister, Sonni Quick.”

You crossed your arms and pursed your lips. 

“I’ll never apologize.

I will never admit I might be wrong,” 

because I judged you by my life.

You couldn’t, wouldn’t understand. 

It’s easier not to care

What if you need me in your life 

and can’t find me anywhere?

Oh well, I’m tired of trying

you can’t make people want

to be around you when it’s easier 

to be so nonchalant

But I still have sharp left turns 

and my plate is full of dreams

Inside my heart my passion burns 

with endless strength it seems

It doesn’t matter that my life 

burns on the other side

I have less than more, life to live 

but I’ll be damned if I let it slide.

One thing I taught my kids 

I hope that they teach theirs

There are consequences for everything

for hopes, for dreams, for dares.

I finally made the sharp turn 

that brought me face to face

with myself inside a mirror 

seeing lines I can’t erase

There is wisdom in those eyes

I know weren’t there before

I have no regrets

my sharp left turns gave me so much more

than if I had stood very still 

afraid of something new

I grabbed life and held on tight 

to dreams I will still pursue.

So you don’t have to like me 

or approve of me today

Those of you who made that choice 

it doesn’t matter anyway.

At least I tried, held out my hand

you slapped it to the side

You believed the lies, because someone else

lives with too much pride

I love myself, I love my life

I love the lessons learned

I never have to wonder what . . .

would have happened – if I tried.

Curve

If you’d like to leave a comment about the music, on the bottom section of the wave form you can click anywhere on that section and it will take you to the comment section and then it will appear here.  As with all social media, clicks, shares, hearts etc help a lot because it shows people in the future that it has been listened to.  Stats are everything when it comes to music, blogs and other things people are trying to send out into the universe, especially because the of the book I will be publishing hopefully at the end of the year.  You can read more about that at my other blog My Name is Jamie

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