Because . . . Life Changes

watch and whirl, 3D animated wallpaper
My son and daughter in happier times
My son and daughter in happier times

 Sadness  

by Sonni Quick

Words and Music copyright 2015

Improvisational Piano

BECAUSE . . . LIFE CHANGES

Life changes

in ways you don’t understand

Life changes

You get lost, give me your hand

Life changes

Where is the one who isn’t there

who was always there. . .when your

Life changes

Everything, you don’t know how

to take it back, rewind the time

back up somehow

Undo the things that cause you pain

so everything can stay the same

You hurt the one you love with blame

you think I’m not the one who’s wrong

Anger helps your head be strong . . .but

Life changed

How do you find the missing piece

to see the truth you must release

the pain that caused the loss you feel

start again and find what’s real

Because . . . life changes

7 Comments

  1. Sonni, this is absolutely, just incredibly beautiful… First, your natural talent with those keys just stole my soul away – I mean I was reading the words but – they melted away in the wash of that quiet, the serene quiet of your keys… It was was the third attempt reading your poem when I actually let the words soak in. It might be because this week has been monstrously bad, and I mean incredibly difficult on me, But if an angel were to fall from the sky, just right now, with the hope of consoling me, ask for my hand and try to get me to stop fretting, to stop suffering the things that are done here most recently, and so many other things in the past, then I think these might be the exact words he would use… Thank you for sharing this..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You understand. I think that one thing we have that many don’t have, is an outlet for the pain. I see my music as a way to put my emotion into a physical form. I do understand suffering. Everyone gets their fair share. But what do many people do when they have nowhere to put their pain? They drown it. They often get physically self destructive. My music keeps me sane. It means a lot to have someone – a stranger, understand and validate that they know what it means. It is often the people closest to you who don’t care and place little value on it. This came to me at the right time. A gift.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You know Sonni, you are so right about that. Now I don’t like talking about religion – it’s one of those things that’s always a no-no in casual conversation…. but unfortunately it’s also the perfect example of what you’re saying because Jesus said it too. So I’m going to talk about Jesus the man. He could never have accomplished what he needed to if he had stayed in Nazareth. He ventured into Jerusalem with his parents as a boy and discovered he could speak the things in his heart and people listened. In Nazareth people only knew him as the carpenter’s son, and he could never have become anything more than that…. So what you said is timeless, Sonni, something that even Jesus thought was important enough to explain to his apostles… The people nearest to us are the ones who don’t truly see us. It’s the reason that I know you are not “just” a piano teacher, or even a particularly good piano player and poet. You are this incredible bundle of emotion and love – and let me tell you – it exudes from you in spades right here. And it is most certainly a gift. You have an incredibly marvelous ability to let it flow through you. I sense a little hesitation in your comment… Sonni, follow your heart. Always do that. This stranger says its beautiful… I so wish that I had someone with your talent to collaborate on songs with…

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Good morning John, I’m waking up to you this morning, fresh cup of coffee rand crawled back under my covers with my Nook. Later I’ll move to my desk. The reason religion is usually so hard for people to talk about is because people a are always trying to prove they are right and really have little respect for other ways of thinking. When you can do that , then exchange of ideas is possible. Here is my story of greatest pain. In more detail is a post about stopping to think family has to love you because they don’t. What makes it hard for me is that even writing it makes tears come to my eyes. My emotions aren’t buried. They are on the outside and even brushing against them a little bit hurts. But it also applied to joy and compassion. My desire to help people with own unhappiness. To give them inside to help with their pain. My husband says I am a “fix it” person, but it is more than that. I follow the teachings of Nichiren Buddhism – for the past 27 years. His story is much like that of Jesus. He was the son of a poor fisherman, who at a young age, studying the sutras (teachings) of Shakamuni, realized the monks had perverted the teachings and left to go study with other teachers to find what was missing. When young Shakyamuni Buddha (Gatauma Siddhartha, royalty, left his home to find the answers to the questions of what is birth, aging, sickness and death and why did it cause such pain. After much studying and trials he realized that all life was a cycle. Everything was a cycle through these 4 things so why would people be exempt? What makes us who we are. Why are we born into different circumstance or be pretty, ugly, stupid smart, our talents etc. Why do certain people cross our path? Why do we fail at everything we try, why does everything we touch turn to gold. Why are we depressed? Always see the negative? Why do some people always bring abusers into their life? Why can we not hold on to those we love? Why is it so hard to change things in our nature we want to change but can’t? Why do we easily react to anger? The list goes on and on. It is cause and effect. We are who we are because of causes we made – in this lifetime and in the past. Until we recognize our responsibility for our lives we will continue to repeat it. Karma was even taught in the Bible until about the 1500’s and was removed along with many other things when religion was used for political control. Fear of hell needed to be instilled. Fear of God’s wrath and forcing one religion was important for control over people. It’s still used today for that reason. Many of the teachings of Jesus are Buddhist teachings. During the time of Jesus travels, India has him there, studying, but Christianity just says he was out traveling and teaching, but doesn’t say where he was because they don’t know. Why has Christianity survived? Because people have thirsted to understand why they live – what is the point? As the centuries passed, The Christian Religion, and Buddhism, too, became perverted and used as a means to gain wealth and power. In the world, the Christian religion does not have the most followers. That is actually the Islamic faith, very different, and relies on submission. Because we are in the US it seems like Christianity is the strongest. The problem with Christianity is that most people say they believe in God, but the teachings don’t affect their lives in a profound way. They don’t focus on the teachings and apply it. Many use it as a reason to hate those who are not like themselves and put words into the mouths of God and Jesus to justify their actions and in the meantime make very bad causes in their life lives that get bad affects that even going to church and asking forgiveness will stop. If we rely on something outside ourselves to “fix” what is wrong then we never take responsibility for ourselves. And when the problem isn’t fixed then the words are uttered ” It must be God’s plan”.

          Ultimately, people want to be happy. They want their lives to make sense. They want good friends. They want their families to be happy. To reach for their dreams. They want to understand how to challenge their obstacles and overcome, but they don’t know how because their belief system is flawed – corrupted over many centuries. There are many sects of Christianity and many sects of Buddhism and also the Islamic faith. Many Muslims want to kill. ManyChristians want to kill. I’m sure their are also sects of Buddhism who have also justified killing.

          There is no faith that can say, ” I am right and you are wrong” There are many paths to happiness. The key is to honestly apply the teachings to your life so you can learn from them and become a better person. What happens when we die is only speculation. We choose the one we hope it will be because we don’t want our life to be for nothing.

          This has been a long way around to explain what it means in my life today. 40 years ago I was the only one who left my hometown and explored many avenues of myself, doing many different things, giving myself permission to not lead a conventional life. Very early in life I experimented with IV drugs which I stopped when i got pregnant with my son, now 38. But the damage was done and I got Hep C, which has brought much illness into my life I still have to deal with. Even though I no longer used a needle I had problems of and on with drugs. i have an addictive personality. I get addicted to everything I do . Finding the teachings of Buddhism helped me understand myself and to use my addictions, my passions in a positive way. But even so, if someone laid a line of coke in front of me I know I’d do it, so I have to always be on guard.

          I am intense. I know that. I’ve worked hard. I’ve done many things. I love who I am. I’m confident. If I say I’m going to do something, I will try my hardest to do it. I’m still alive. I love life I almost lost it. Life is an adventure not to be wasted. I have so much appreciation for everything, even the obstacles, because there is always something to learn. I have a man in my life after two failed marriages, and he was hermit who lived in a cave ( in a room with a computer) with near genius IQ who has taught me so much. We found each other. He’s an old dead head with a long gray ponytail. So much love grew. He knew I was sick and 12 years into our marriage when I needed a liver transplant and was in my bed for 2 years he cared for me. I had to return home at my mother’s insistence to get close to a good transplant hospital. I had to shut down my store in key west. I lost everything. All of my immediate family, sisters, and nephews lived close by. I thought that since they were my family they would be there for me. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I didn’t even get a get well card. They only had derogatory remarks to say about me and my husband. We didn’t into their mold because they were, after all, good Christians who went to church every day and my brother inlaw teaches adult Sunday school. They are hateful. I’m not invited to family gathering – birthdays 4th of July picnics, etc. I do still have my mother, though. She also understands the karma happening. She is also Buddhist. She tells me they don’t understand the causes they make. I am to be the bigger person. But when I try to read out I get kicked in the face while they say “praise the lord!” This complete non acceptance has been very painful. I don’t understand what I did to be called “toxic” and that am the cause for everything wrong in a family I seldom saw for 40 years. My mother says I scare them. She wants a happy family. This causes her much pain

          This has been a long story. Thank you for your patience. Will i change this pain bin this lifetime? I don’t know. Right now I am missing being able to make the determination to overcome it. It wrote me down

          Liked by 1 person

        2. Sonni, I’d say that’s pretty much it wrapped up in a nutshell, or maybe the whole dang walnut tree! I like you and hope you live a long, wonderful life…. Btw… You’ve just been elevated to Mrs. Russell status. In case you don’t know who Mrs. Russell is, – let me just say she’s the first woman (who wasn’t my mom) that I fell deeply in love with. I wrote about here, on this page: https://johnallenrichter.wordpress.com/2011/08/14/mrs-russell/

          So relax, take a deep breath, and just know that I’m saving another page for you. Because I can already tell you are incredibly special. Welcome, dear, dear friend.

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        3. I’d say pretty darn big walnut tree! I will read your post. I also decided to post another chapter of the book I’m writing a few moments ago. On Jamie’s website. It’s called Fantasy Crimes I have static front page so you’ll have to go to archives to find it

          Liked by 1 person

        4. I nearly lost that reply. It locked up at the end. It was probably too long. I didn’t get a chance to proofread it. I think I was correcting the phrase ” it wore me down”. sometimes I start writing and then I write and write and it pours out. I know it was a lot so it’s okay if you don’t approve it. I do want to thank you for your kind words.

          Liked by 1 person

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