Welcome To My World of Family Insanity

DIABETES

Insidious and so common. People are so nonchalant about it . No one wants to give up their favorite food. They’d rather die – literally.

I sit here with my chin on my hand trying to understand what went wrong. Maybe we get more cynical as we age. Maybe we don’t want to accept the fact that the life we thought we would have when we grew up, when we played at being grown ups and we wore our mother’s shoes didn’t turn out to be much fun as we thought it would. We wanted happiness and perfect families. We didn’t imagine people dying or even getting sick. We didn’t know about trauma. But now that we have lived a major part of our lives we don’t want to let people know we screwed up. It mightchange their perception of us.

Welcome to the real world. We close off the things we don’t want to hear. Is that why it is so hard for most people to listen? Is it ego? Family members instantly jump to feeling criticised. “How dare you! You aren’t perfect!” or “Who are you to tell ME that I am not?”

No matter how I say it; no matter how non threatening the words are, their noses instantly flare, they get defensive and act as though they have been personally attacked. Wow. I wish I had recorded that so they couldn’t get away with twisting it around so they’d look like a victim.

Aren’t families fun? Not at all. We joined the ranks of one of many dysfunctional families that gets worse with age

I admit it, I come across strong when something is important to me – like staying alive – and doing what I need to do to make that happen. The quality of the food I eat is crucial. Someone don’t have to be a vegetarian, or go on a macrobiotic diet, or Paleo, Atkins or Weight Watchers. Those are “diets” and rarely do people stay on them. Some of them are not healthy longterm and even if you lose weight, you gain it back.

If you eat a good, healthy, balanced diet, eliminating fake food high in chemicals and bad crap, you will naturally lose weight. If you have a disease caused by eating a lifetime of shitty, good tasting garbage your body is going to fail you. You need to take the time to read and learn about what the food industry has done to ruin out health.

IF YOU DON’T STOP – bad things happen.

If you don’t like hearing, because you want to stuff yourself with that wonderful bread at Red Lobster, and even get an order to go, AND you have diabetes, your health will break down and you will severely pay for your choices. We are responsible for ourselves. “Poor so and so, she died too young.”

Is it worth it? Emphatically, no! But if you haven’t had a severe illness you don’t understand how hard it is to gain back your health.

THE FOOD ADDICT’S LOGIC

I only eat ( item) once in a while. Once in awhile is okay, right? That may be true for some people, but if you have diabetes and the next day you use the same logic for why you ate a pizza, and the next day your dinner is on a bed of pasta with a side of garlic bread, and it tastes sooo good – you are in big trouble. – even if you spread that out over 6 days instead of three. If you eat different bad things all the time and have an excuse for every one, do you think you are fooling yourself? There are three women in my immediate family with diabetes, that I know of.  I’ve heard every excuse possible.

My mother has Diabetes. She lived with that logic for ten years, after her diagnose. She has charts trapped on her kitchen cabinets about what to eat. These charts do not take into consideration the quality of that food. She had a stroke. I tried hard to help her understand why she needed to change her diet, but she wouldn’t. She “tried” which is a cop-out. It sets you up for acceptable failure. Now she has to live with it – in a wheelchair. Am I 100% sure diabetes caused it? No, but it was likely affected by it because of the failure of small blood vessels in her brain which is what diabetes affects. It is why diabetics also have kidney failure, go blind and have their feet or toes cut off from gangreen. I’d like for her to not have another stroke. I don’t want to lose my mother earlier just because she had to eat cake. Her words, “I never meet a desert I didn’t like.” We all love desert. But it’s more than that. it is starches that break down into sugar. Regardless, at 83, junk food isn’t very wise.

I fell recently and couldn’t continue to care for her so she is living with my sister, unfortunately another diabetic who has the same distorted logic about what is okay to eat. And boy is she is pissed off at me for telling her that cake, pringles, white bread, potatoes, and cream of wheat cereal is not very good for anyone to eat, let alone a woman shooting insulin to stay alive. I could have given her detailed reason why except she was too insulted at being told something she didn’t know. Her hands went up in the air and she cut me off. How childish. “I’ve been feeding mom for four months. I know how to feed her!”   Let me think that through. Is it the fact she has been coming her meals for four months the important thing? No, it isn’t. The issue is I just told her she should change how she feds her because they both should eat better ALL OF THE TIME not sometimes because diabetes is a serious illness. But shell have to learn that the hard way. So – let her eat cake. It’s just a shame she cares so little about what she feeds her mother at the same time.

Because I have been very sick, and it was my own fault, I have learned it is easier and far better to not get sick than to try to regain your health. Some damage can’t be undone. That is not fun watching people hurt themselves and learn it’s too late to go back and change it. It’s hard to watch when you see people being so careless with the most important thing they have – their health. Life sucks when it fails. So my family can be as angry at me as they want. They are on the losing side of this issue.

“You’ve put my life on the internet for the world to read!

Meaning: I didn’t want people to know how I treated you was while you’ve been struggling with your health.” I don’t know how to be a sister, but all my friends love me!” (Direct quote. I couldn’t make this stuff up.) Or, “I don’t want people to know I’m not who they think and have a cruel steak in me”. Or, “I don’t want you to talk about us to everyone” Gee, maybe this family should have stopped wagging their tongues a long time ago. No one would listen. Phone lines have been burned up.

If they refuse to speak to me again – gee, we don’t speak now so where is the loss? If they get rude I have two other posts ready to publish.

All of this is about ego. “How dare she tell ME anything about what to eat.” She could have said, “Really? I didn’t know that.” She could even check it out for herself. In fact, if this makes them stop making excuses and learn why they need to pay attention to what their body is telling them, it might help their health, if it matters enough You’d think that would be important. Maybe it isn’t.

My sister has worked for decades selling Hondas. If I wanted to by one wouldn’t it make sense to talk to someone who knows about that car? Or maybe I should ask my dentist what she thinks. Would that be wise?

My mother told me, “I wish I would have listened to you ten years ago.” She might still be zipping around in her bright blue Honda.

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My sister and I haven’t had a relationship for quite awhile. I’ll only say she has done a lousy job being a sister. People who know me understand the reasons I say that.  So why I thought she would hear me about diabetes was pretty stupid on my part. I honestly wanted to help her understand how much she was hurting herself – and my mother. They are at a point, when you need insulin – that you CAN NOT eat something just because you want it! Your body will fall you! But why the heck should I care about her life? Because it’s a life? Because she doesn’t care about mine? Is that a good enough reason to say nothing? Even her doctor asked my mother to help her with her diabetes. The blind leading the blind. Of course I know this because no information is sacred in our family.

It’s wrong, but sometimes I want her to feel the pain she caused me so she understands. I guess I have issues, huh? It’s been hard for me to deal with. At least I can admit I’m not perfect. If I hurt someone the words, “I’m sorry” are in my vocabulary. Some people choke on those words. If our mother had not had a stroke we still would not have spoken to each other. It’s not easy to look in a mirror and examine the hurtful things we’ve done to other people. But life always gives back to us the effects of the causes we make.

With diabetes and one stroke under her belt, and needing a wheelchair now, what my mother eats, and more important, what she doesn’t eat is crucial. I believe, because so many people have diabetes, they don’t take it seriously. It has been normalized because it is so common. Even fat kids have diabetes now, which is sad. It is adults who feed them the junk they see on their TV.

FAILURES OF THE FOOD INDUSTRY

Profit is everything. Who cares if it kills you?

I research everything I can to stay healthy. In the 60’s we didn’t know what the food industry was doing. They hid data about lots of harmful products so we would continue to buy them. But once you know, how can you continue to kill yourself by consuming it? And how can you continue to support corporations who harm people and the planet? We have allowed our own destruction. Isn’t that stupid? Taste buds win over common sense.

There are two issues working here. People are now addicted to unhealthy food and to give that up is painful. That is why addictions are hard to break. They’d rather take the chance of cancer, a stroke or heart attack, to name a few, than give up the taste of certain foods they like. The other issue of ego is just as hard. Who wants to think they are looked at as weak and unable to control what they eat – and the person telling you is your sister and you don’t like her. How can you admit she knows something you don’t? You’ve just spent 6 years ignoring her, letting her know you don’t care about her so how can you let down your guard now? We didn’t speak for years, but now our mother had a stroke and it forced us to. It is detrimental to my mother’s health if she feeds her what she eats herself.

I don’t care if I made her angry trying to tell her why certain foods were not a good idea for diabetics to eat. Let that sink in. This entire drama was about unhealthy food. Isn’t that ridiculous? Welcome to my world.

I’ve been called a few choice names over these past few years. Old hag, drug addict, I’m evil and have a black heart. It’s amazing how defensive people get when they don’t like to hear the truth.

Foolishly, I thought I could set an example of how to care about someone. But it seems even the most devout Christians don’t apply the golden rule. As a Buddhist, it is the same as the Law Of Cause And Effect. How about – What goes around comes around? You get back what you dish out? You reap what you sow? Where is that understanding in the effects of each of our lives? That is what we all need to look at. Do you like where you are in your life? Do you take responsibility for the bad things or do you just chalk it up to, “That’s life. It is what it is?” Or maybe God wanted you to be sick. Then you can remove yourself from causing your own illness.

I’ve lived my life with a few mottoes that got me through life. Here is a good one for today. It is one of my personal quotes:

If you don’t like what I’m doing, don’t watch me do it!

Silently on Saturday: Touching the Cosmos

Is this not absolutely awesome!

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I’m treating the image used for this posting  to my ‘Silently on Saturday’series as something of a departure from the ‘norm’. Generally, I try to use relatively quiet, peaceful, meditative shots, shots that feel as if they fully belong to a post beginning with the word ‘silently’.

This image is not that.

What it is, at least for me, is as the second portion of the title suggests; touching the cosmos, a graphical fantasy, me letting my imagination run wild on the colors and yes, the wholly metaphysical notion of reaching out a hand and …touching the

COSMOS.

Here’s what I mean:

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Silent? Not likely, but it’s true to what I’m feeling for this post, so I’ll let it be.

Here’s hoping you all are enjoying your Saturday…

…silently or not?

K’lee L. © 2017

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Issue #8 of the ITFO Newsletter

The latest issue of my ITFO newsletter – short for Inside The Forbidden Outside. Please share to anyone you feel would benefit from reading it.

My Name is Jamie. My Life in Prison

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Because of my limited html coding knowledge I can’t get the the newsletter to print out here. So I’ll give you the link that will pull it up for you and save me the frustration of figuring it out (or waking my husband up from his old hippie before dinner nap!)

I only ask (plead,cajole with a smile) that if you like what I have so far accomplished, to click on the subscribe button and add your name to the mailing list, and then send it to any social media accounts you have to help me grow.

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I am finally, in short spurts back to work continuing to edit the book I wrote that got put on hold while my thoroughly crumbled broken arm bone begins to heal. It’s hard to hold my arm up very long so I can type and my chapter files are on my computer…

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I Can’t Help Falling In Love With You

I found this video today and I played it over and over and over. It is Haley Rienhart. She has a way of forming words and the notes just slide into each other. Just beautiful.

Wise men say only fools rush in
but I can’t help falling in love with you.
Shall I stay, would it be a sin
if I can’t help falling in love with you.
Like a river flows, surely to sea
Darlin so it goes, some things are meant to be.
Take my hand, take my whole life, too
for I can’t help falling in love with you.
Like a river flows, surely to the sea
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand, take my while life, too,
for I can’t help falling in love with you

Don’t Bring Candy To a Diabetic

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credit source: elevatepromo.com

It isn’t a treat. I really do not understand people. Even though they know my mother is a diabetic and even though they know she had a stroke last April that was bad enough to put her permanently in a wheel chair they still give her the very thing that was the cause for stroke, thinking sugar “treats” will make her happy. Do you know the saying, “Don’t flash junk in front of a Junky?

I try to not let it make me angry, but it does. It’s not because they don’t know, because they do. Because of going through a major illness myself, I learned long ago that what you eat matters – a lot, if you want to live. I learned what I should and shouldn’t eat and why. Because I wanted to live I took it seriously. I would be dead now if I didn’t do that.

Ten years ago when my mom found out she had diabetes I did the same thing for her that I did for myself. I researched the disease. I learned what not to eat and the best things to eat. I sent this information to my mother and often talked with her about what to change. But I didn’t live with her so I had no idea what she was doing.  I could only hope her health would be important to her.  Later I found out she didn’t listen to much of anything our read anything, either. In addition to my mother, other family members also have diabetes.

My mother continued to eat what she wanted, but sometimes ate the right thing and thought that was good enough and considered it “trying”her best. As she said many times, “I never meet a dessert I didn’t like.”

She didn’t take her disease seriously. I think that since diabetes is now so common, many people don’t take it seriously. They think insulin will keep their blood sugar regulated but ignore all of the other damage diabetes causes. No one thinks, when your health is ruined, regaining it is a tough road; on them and the other people have to take care of them.

My mother had a stroke. Diabetes constructs the small blood vessels and that is what was happened in my mother’s brain. The doctor told me that most likely her stroke was caused by diabetes. Diabetics often go blind, lose their kidneys and because of circulation lose their toes, feet or legs. She also has a 40% chance of another stroke within five years.

Wouldn’t that scare you? Would you make sure you did absolutely everything to get as well as possible? If someone made breakfast for you – blueberry pancakes with syrup would you say “Thank you, but I really shouldn’t eat this.” Should other family members providing care be careful what they feed you, and themselves? No, and she he is going to eat anything they give her. I’ve gone over this till I’m blue in the face. If they don’t care what they eat why would it matter what they feed her?

With the internet available, all the information I know is there for anyone to find. Why people choose to be ignorant about a diagnosed disease isn’t very smart. You can’t “try” to eat better; either you do or you don’t. There are consequences to the things we do. When someone I love is harming themselves – with anything – it’s hard to sit back and just watch knowing that for every cause you make there is an effect.

Today, while watching TV at my mother’s place; I don’t personally own one, there was a commercial selling a horrible drug with seriously bad side effects, to make you less hungry. Wow. Since the person taking it doesn’t know how to eat right, if the lose weight they will gain it all back plus more when they stop. What an awful idea.

It’s easier to stay healthy than to try and get your health back. I understand that in a big way. I know I can’t fix other people. But I want these other people to get food for my mother that doesn’t promote her diabetes and greaten the chance of another stroke.

The food industry has destroyed the health of many people with the fake food that is manufactured. A high percentage of manufactured food has vegetable oil, soybean oil, high fructose corn syrup, heart extract, Aspartame and other chemical sugars, preservatives and many other bad things. None of this is new information yet people keep eat it anyway. They get fatter. The get diseases that are now so common they think is normal. To think so little of your life

is sad.

What is God? Is He an Alien?

What is God?
Source credit: world- mysteries.com

Seriously, Set aside your religious beliefs and the stories you’ve been told, because in reality no one absolutely knows anything. We believe things, but we have no idea if what we believe is true. We believe things because we were told to. That holds true for most things we know, or think we know.

People have believed many things, incredible things, that we now know were false. Many were  out of ignorance, but none the less we believed them. The world was flat. Sailors were petrified they were going to fall off the edge if they sailed too far. We can laugh at that now, but they had no way of knowing anything different. Even looking at the round moon couldn’t show them it was shaped like a ball.

God with lightening
Source credit: visionair.nl

Until recent history we had many gods. Gods for everything, even for the sound of thunder because the sound was so large and menacing and represented god’s anger in their minds. People were afraid of the gods. But when thunder was proven scientifically the God of thunder disappeared.

 

IF there was an all seeing, all knowing, intelligence that permeated every aspect of life and had the capability of controlling everything, made everything, understood everything, why didn’t he let “his” people know the world was flat?

The earth is flat
source credit: religiousforums.com

Some people believe this God knows your thoughts and has a plan for everything and everyone’s life. Hitler was a devout Christian and thought he was doing God’s work and God just let him murder millions of people? That would make me very angry at God.  Didn’t he love those families as much as he loved the German families? He favored one people over another and let the others die and you still love him? I wouldn’t. This is just one horrible example out of many where I guess he just sat back and watched? He could have intervened and didn’t? He can seemingly perform a miracle by saving someone health but he doesn’t save a town from being ravaged by a tornado? We can’t know God’s will, some say. I say, what God? Any God who acts like this means there is no God

I know people will say God gave us free will. Is it just an excuse to make sense of the bad things? “Hurricane Katerina hit New Orleans to punish the gays!” Christians, by and large don’t like gays. Today Texas law makers are considering giving murder charges to women who get abortions. Wow, God must really love them. Texas likes the death penalty. Should we put those women to death for killing their fetal cells? You know they are considering making them have funerals. Even for miscarriages.

People have taken the concept of what God wants to a new level. A woman I know was in a horrible car accident with her family and everyone was killed except her. Even the people in the other car. She was a devout Christian. She said God saved her. Only God could have saved her because she was so badly hurt. I listened to her story and asked, “Why didn’t he save anyone else?” She got quiet and said, “I’ve wondered that sometimes.” Yet God never told her why or gave any indication of an answer in any form. Maybe he didn’t hear her ask him. Maybe he was too busy planning out the lives of an ever populating earth – earths – on millions of galaxies in the far reaches of just this one universe and at the same time he’s favoring sports teams and political agendas.

Bible scripture with trump
source credit: Hungarianspectrum.com

The Christian Right used God to sell Trump to the people to be president even though he exhibits traits that go against the ten commandment: lying and stealing ( from Trump university students, coveting and grabbing women’s private parts and more), so clearly God favors America over other countries. Trump never exhibited Christian beliefs verbally or in his lifestyle. This was a tough sell. The Republicans cater to the Christians for their vote so naturally God thinks America is special above all other countries.

All this is happening while people are praying God will save their dying family member while others give everything over to God’s will and His plan for their life. God can do all this because, well, just because he can. He’s God! We made him out to be what we needed because we need a crutch. We can’t do it ourselves. We need to be loved by what can only be an alien.

So what do you think God is? Does he favor a side? He’s not human, that’s for sure, so is he capable of love? Or do we put that in because we need to think he is capable of love. I don’t believe in this concocted God up there directing traffic. Is he a being? Energy? I do believe in the power of the mind. We can make ourselves believes there is a God but that doesn’t mean it’s really there and trying to force that on other people is wrong. Hurting others is wrong.

If there is an alien “up there” who can hear our thoughts and manipulate our lives, we are in deep doodoo; and I sure don’t want to go live is his space ship in the sky in his version of a mansion in heaven and I’d lay odds the billionaires are laughing at this prospect as well. Why would this sound appealing to a rich man? Unless he owned it.

Everyone is welcome to their own interpretation of God and why they think it is true. I’d be curious to hear yours. No bashing or hate talk or name calling. No statements of, “You’re going to Hell!” Tell us what you think your truth is and why. Sometimes what we believe is wishful thinking. That’s okay.

To me, if God is real, the alien concept makes the most sense, but I really think he’s something we made up in our minds to try to understand what our life means and where we come from. It’s just gotten out of hand because of our lack of understanding. Believing in Adam and Eve is just silly. Over time the concept grew and splintered in many directions as our population grew. Everyone thinks their version of God is the right one and are willing to kill for it. Are you.

Don’t stop searching for the truth.  I don’t look down on anyone who thinks differently than you do. We all have to come to grips with living and dying, and since we all have to die I’d rather do it with a smile on my face. But none of us knows the answer. You can say, “Absolutely! I know the truth. It says so in this many monk written book,” but you don’t. It’s only what you want it to be. Don’t get bogged down in what you were told. Start studying other ideas and broaden your universe. It might surprise you.

 

What is Religion and Why Do We Need It?

 

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Depending on who your parents are or how you were raised is probably going to determine what religion you think is true. Are they all true? Do you think yours is the true one? What if someone else thinks theirs is true? Can they all be true? Do you know what other religions teach? Have you studied any other? Do you try every day to apply what your faith teaches you in everything you think and do?

There are people who change their faith in their life; I’m one of them, but what would make someone want to change? What has your faith done for your life? Has it made a difference in the kind of person you are? Does it enable you to overcome the obstacles you face? Why do we have obstacles, is there a purpose? Whose responsibility is it when you fail and succeed? Who benefits when you fail?

There are many questions. Have you ever stopped to think about these things?

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This question isn’t being asked to convince you that what you believe is the “right” religion of not, but why do you feel you need to have a faith in the first place? What is the purpose of a religion? To live a better live and become a better human? To praise a supreme being? To have a supreme being “in the heavens” who is capable of every that is attributed to him that has been around for eons of time wouldn’t he need to come from a superior race or be an alien of some kind to be so afraid of what he could do to us if he got made enough? Does this sound silly? Have you thought about it?

If you have a religion, are you a lazy practitioner when it suits you or do you try every day to put the tenets of your faith into practice in all you do? Do you only practice on the special days? Do you look down on other religions and think you are special?

I see religion being discussed more and more in areas outside the church and believe many people don’t question why they have the religion they do. Ask yourself, why am I a Christian, atheist, Buddhist, Muslim, etc.? For many it depends on where we were born and what dominant religion is in that area, because that is what your parents taught you, and their parents taught them. But does that make it true? The basics were indoctrinated into you from a young age.

Since your parents taught you everything you knew as a young child, why would you doubt the truth of anything they said? If they were good people trying to do their best to teach their children they wouldn’t intentionally lie to you. They wanted you to learn to believe what they thought were the right things to help you with your life, as their parents taught them and their parents taught them and so on.

How does that affect the children born into families, or adopted that were not whole in some way, or perhaps raised by abusive or addicted parents or raised by foster parents – perhaps multiple sets of foster parents who taught them nothing about how to live; how to be a good person or how to live a life of truth and why that matters.

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I see an angry world with different religions fighting each other trying to prove they are the best one; the right one, and finding ways to be okay to kill. I see Christian (?) lawmakers using their power to control people, forcing what they believe on others, not because they believe it to be true but because money can be made when you can control people and what they learn. That has been for many hundreds of years. For example, these law makers want to control abortion, and it isn’t because every life is precious, because adult life isn’t precious.

Why should one religion force any part of their faith on other people? That goes for any religion, anywhere. If you try to say it’s what God wants, I say, “Oh really?” I’m disgusted with people who say, God says this and God says that because God didn’t say a damn thing. It’s just someone’s interpretation of an interpretation. Just like saying, “God loves you or Jesus loves you,” putting a human emotion on something you hope is true of an alien supreme being you might say causes floods and hurricanes on people he’s angry at, but he sure never said anything at all. Religious preachers say that for control. They don’t know anything, but people send them money to keep saying it and they can buy planes and homes. We know who these men and women are.

We have hopes. Just hopes. Period. people don’t want to die and not see their loved ones again. Do you know what other faiths say about death? Maybe you would like their version of events better. All faiths that have a supreme alien being who hears all prayers and still has time to plan every life on a planet in a galaxy of millions and millions of galaxies.

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When you think about how vast the universe is, and this is just one universe, that makes our piece of sand just one extremely small piece of something terribly large. Man has wondered and contemplated the meaning of his life since he knew he could think. His ability to understand things has increased repeatedly, but still several religions try to teach us as though our intellect it hasn’t changed in thousands of years and it puts a white man at the center, even in a black country. Is that logical?

I’m not going to tell you my faith is right and yours is wrong. I’m not going to tell you what to believe. I’m going to ask you to think. Has your faith worked in the country where you live? Or do you believe because everyone around you does? Have you seen your hopes and dreams realized? Do you believe in miracles because you have no other answer? Are you happy? Are the people happy? Do they live well together? Is there war? Is there fear?

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Is it important for mankind to understand these questions if we are going to survive as a species? I feel we are on the brink of being in a very bad place and humans are letting it happen and it’s scary. People are being hurt because some people think they are better than other people. Do you are allthink you are better than others? Do you think some races are better than others, more intelligent or more worthy? Some people choose to not search for the truth. Do you, or do you usually believe what you’re told, especially if it makes you appear socially better?

I’ve asked a lot a questions, not to argue but to search for an open door to begin a dialogue. If you can, back up what you say with a real answer, not just an opinion. Don’t back it up with just Bible verse unless you’re willing to hear the written verse of a different religion that has a different opinion or truth.

I don’t want to argue. Remember, each person thinks they know the truth. If no one comments then I’ll take it that no one cares. I want to know, why do you think you know the truth, or would you like to think you are still searching? Answer any of the other dozen or so questions I asked. Be honest and be honest with yourself. That is not always easy.